harvest moon

that's my wedding song, if i ever get married, and i wont be dancing to that. something about lots of people watching me dance makes me incredibly nervous. but it will be played, on repeat. i told nora that tonight.

question for everyone;
WHAT makes YOU happy?


When I really think about it, more things than not make me happy, although I don't know if I ever really feel continually happy.
But even the things that make me happy, usually make me cry. I guess it's an emotional extreme. It doesn't matter if it makes you happy or sad, but it all depends on how intense the feeling is. Like something, like a baby, will make me happy for a little bit and cute babies will make me say "aww I want a baby," in which Sabrina (who's likely to be standing next to me when I say this) will laugh.

Things that make me happy;
BABIES
Puppies/Dogs
Kittens
Wild rabbits, not caged ones, they're boring and I pity them. if anything, they make me sad.
friends ( nora, tierney, kyle, ashley, deana, amanda, sam, aimee, caryn, brooke, jeanette, chris (happy bday!), hannah, amber, jackie, hughie, tiffany, sabrina, steph, all the mikey's, blake, danny, both andrew's, victor,
Wee John
mixed cds
Philadelphia
sad movies
nice dresses
sunny days
rainy Sundays
beaches
simultaneous laughing
locking eyes
not feeling awkward around people
plaid
watching snow
hugs
incandescent light bulbs
wikipedia
information
accomplishing things
my job (SOMETIMES)
strangers in love
strangers with their children
red
post impressionism
books
birch trees
driving on route 46 and the parkway
new york state throughway too
finding bargains
cute boys
when I actually cook things and they taste good
when I complete domestic tasks
seeing people that i miss
or seeing people that i don't miss but once meant a lot to me, its bittersweet
FOOD.
tax season
colors
HELLO KITTY<33333333333333


good night.

i wish my life was a little less seedy

why am i always so greedy?
wish i looked just like cheryl tweedy.
i know i never will, i know i never will.
i wish my life was not so boring
every weekend four to the flooring
don't get me started on monday morning.



OKAY.
enough with the lily allen.
As of right now, I'm over food. You know what, I think it's overrated. I know, unfortunately, I will not be able to follow through with this, but maybe if I think about it, I might be able to curb my food intake to like a meal a day. I think my liver hates me right now. So not eating might be good for it, or it could actually be much worse. But you know what, I'm an incredibly vain person. And every girl that is thin at my age and drinks just as much as I do, well.. they aren't eating either. So don't judge me. ALRIGHT?! And don't believe them if they say they are, I'm a girl, I know this shit first hand. If they're not going to the gym but still maintain a skinny frame, they're not eating. And if they are, I hope they die a miserable death cause I'm insanely jealous of them. I sound like a crazy person but I don't care. Since everything else in my life (for the first time ever) is going according to plan, I have one thing to bitch about, and that is my weight. Like how did this happen? How did I gain 20 pounds in 3 years? I haven't changed anything in my diet, I haven't stopped working out since I've NEVERRRR worked out. I don't understand it. I guess this is what aging is all about. Getting fat. Fuck this. Food, I've broken up with you as of today.
Besides food, I have one more complaint. If there are any nurses or future nurses out there reading this, please give me some advice.
I've had these pains before, they didn't just start occurring on Saturday night, butttt I've been having sharp, stabbing like pains in the lower, right side of my stomach, like right above my hipbones for a day and a half straight. It's an incessant feeling, and I've had it from like Saturday night at like 7am (i guess really sunday morning 7am) and it continued all throughout the day until when I woke up for work on monday morning. Sunday night (into monday) it felt so annoying that I couldn't fall asleep till 9am. It's this continuous, sharp, stabbing feeling, and I don't understand it.
On the right side of my back/side I feel a light soreness. It's like a bruising feeling, like someone just punched me in that spot. These two feelings are simutaneous; the stabbing and the soreness. I don't know what it is, and it keeps me up at night and unable to sleep. It's incredibly annoying.
enough of the wa wa wa's.
President's day weekend = PHILADELPHIA.
I can't wait. OMG.
Things have been chill. I'm excited for spring. It's been a cold winter. I like it.

black

i know someday you'll have a beautiful life, i know you'll be a star, in somebody elses sky, but why can't it be mine


i'm not tired. 5 am. i can't focus. i'm freezing. my teeth are clenched tightly together. i'm going to be alone on valentines day. yuck.

wednesday late night.

I hate being home late at night when I'm sober.
I guess maybe it's been awhile since I've done this, since I'm feeling so restless.
All I do is watch television, and binge eat.
Since 10 pm, I've consumed cheez its, an entire sundae from friendlys, some of a chocolate orange, a glass of milk, and a bottle of water.
Typically, one would think that if you were drinking you'd be intaking more calories, but for me it's actually the other way around.
I hate being home at night.
I'm bored out of my mind.
And I think I'm going to heat up some leftovers.
yay.