twosday

IT'S 3:04 IN THE MORNING. Tonight I came home around 12 am. So early, early, early, early. I hate being the only person that's not drinking. I feel so awkward, partly cause I am so awkward. I can't function in a drunk situation let alone at a sober party. Then everyone went to smoke. What the hell is with people! Why do they want to get wasted all the time in any way/shape/form. HAHHA I'm just kidding, as if I didn't know.
"as if"
Clueless was always one of my favorite movies as a girl. It really influenced me, thats where I get my passion for plaid from. I'm just being an idiot, so whoever is still reading this, I applaud you. Once upon a time, I thought I could be anything in the world. Really, somewhere still deep inside me, I still believe this. When I was younger I wanted to be EVERYTHING. And I thought I could be everything. I was smart enough, decent looking enough, pushy/demanding enough, independent enough, the list goes on, on, on, bad and good qualities.
I used to think I was invincible too, nothing could hurt me, nothing could stop me, nothing could get in my way. Sometimes, I can be quite an ambitious person. I'm lying. It's impossible for me to be ambitious. Why? Cause I have no ambition. What the hell is there for me to be "ambitious" about. I don't like anything, I don't like to do anything. I enjoy sleeping, eating, partying, and driving in my car. Unfortunately, I can't make a career out of any of those things. Unless I befriend Paris Hilton and become a socialite. Socialite = a nicer way of saying "professional partier".
I'm still invincible to outsiders. I think the only person that is ever capable of bringing me down/stopping me/hurting me is myself. If I wanted to do all the things I wanted to when I was younger, I could. I know this. I just choose to do nothing about it.
I have bad luck with the lottery.
Sometimes I think I'm agoraphobic. Maybe one day if I'm lucky I'll finally move out to Montana and have a farm and live alone. That would be perfect.

UGH! I Wish I didn't complain so much! I'm so sorry, really, I'm so sorry. This is what happens when you let yourself go.

i knew there was something i missed

When did I start getting like this? I can't fall asleep, and I really wish I could because then I'd stop thinking. I wish I was like how I used to be. I don't know what's changed. At the high school graduation that bitch of a superintendent was talking about the differences between pessimists and optimists. Something about how pessimists are willing to give up. I don't like this life.

four leaf clover

I think that either tomorrow or Tuesday I'm going to cut my hair. I really think it's time.