I want to live somewhere where it's perennially winter. Winter every time, all the time. winter, winter, winter, winter. or fall. Two seasons; fall and winter. No more summer or spring, but fall and winter.
Where the average autumn high temperature is about.. 70 degrees, and where the average winter low is 25 degrees. I don't really think a place exists, but it works out just fine in my mind.
Do me a favor, if anyone reads this, suggest a place that sounds similar. and NOT alaska. I want to go somewhere cold, not some place uninhabited. I'd rather not deal with only sunshine for X amount of days. I have such a "it's a wonderful life" idealistic view of winter. Winter in New England, now come on, doesn't that sound beautiful? Living in a log cabin (modernized of course, i don't want something that predates lincoln), wearing fairsile (spelling?) sweaters, snow boots, cute little hats, and roasting marshmellows on your fireplace. Chopping down your own christmas tree that's in your backyard. Even shovelling snow can be fun sometimes.. NOT! just kidding.
I love the second half of the year. october to december are the best months. january can be cool as well, february's not just cause of valentine's day. but like, from october through december, it's a giant celebration. Columbus day, my birthday, and halloween in october. November only has thanksgiving, but thanksgiving is GREAT! you get off school and can cheat on your diets! my mom makes really good pumpkin pie, i'll be placing orders starting november 10th if anyone wants some. december's one of the best months of the year. for all us college students, its a month long break of presents, parties, and seeing people you actually miss, or some people that you don't. (people that i miss that will be returning home; amanda, kyle, and brooke.) christmas and new years only about a week apart. best week of the year! new years is my favorite holiday. and this will be my first new years as a REAL adult. who's seen when harry met sally? let's have a new years like that? mmkay?
I LOVE COLD WEATHER.!!%bgb67yh&^&*^FGJKY)(*E$#$#@!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sunday, October 21, 2007
Saturday, June 30, 2007
twosday
IT'S 3:04 IN THE MORNING. Tonight I came home around 12 am. So early, early, early, early. I hate being the only person that's not drinking. I feel so awkward, partly cause I am so awkward. I can't function in a drunk situation let alone at a sober party. Then everyone went to smoke. What the hell is with people! Why do they want to get wasted all the time in any way/shape/form. HAHHA I'm just kidding, as if I didn't know.
"as if"
Clueless was always one of my favorite movies as a girl. It really influenced me, thats where I get my passion for plaid from. I'm just being an idiot, so whoever is still reading this, I applaud you. Once upon a time, I thought I could be anything in the world. Really, somewhere still deep inside me, I still believe this. When I was younger I wanted to be EVERYTHING. And I thought I could be everything. I was smart enough, decent looking enough, pushy/demanding enough, independent enough, the list goes on, on, on, bad and good qualities.
I used to think I was invincible too, nothing could hurt me, nothing could stop me, nothing could get in my way. Sometimes, I can be quite an ambitious person. I'm lying. It's impossible for me to be ambitious. Why? Cause I have no ambition. What the hell is there for me to be "ambitious" about. I don't like anything, I don't like to do anything. I enjoy sleeping, eating, partying, and driving in my car. Unfortunately, I can't make a career out of any of those things. Unless I befriend Paris Hilton and become a socialite. Socialite = a nicer way of saying "professional partier".
I'm still invincible to outsiders. I think the only person that is ever capable of bringing me down/stopping me/hurting me is myself. If I wanted to do all the things I wanted to when I was younger, I could. I know this. I just choose to do nothing about it.
I have bad luck with the lottery.
Sometimes I think I'm agoraphobic. Maybe one day if I'm lucky I'll finally move out to Montana and have a farm and live alone. That would be perfect.
UGH! I Wish I didn't complain so much! I'm so sorry, really, I'm so sorry. This is what happens when you let yourself go.
"as if"
Clueless was always one of my favorite movies as a girl. It really influenced me, thats where I get my passion for plaid from. I'm just being an idiot, so whoever is still reading this, I applaud you. Once upon a time, I thought I could be anything in the world. Really, somewhere still deep inside me, I still believe this. When I was younger I wanted to be EVERYTHING. And I thought I could be everything. I was smart enough, decent looking enough, pushy/demanding enough, independent enough, the list goes on, on, on, bad and good qualities.
I used to think I was invincible too, nothing could hurt me, nothing could stop me, nothing could get in my way. Sometimes, I can be quite an ambitious person. I'm lying. It's impossible for me to be ambitious. Why? Cause I have no ambition. What the hell is there for me to be "ambitious" about. I don't like anything, I don't like to do anything. I enjoy sleeping, eating, partying, and driving in my car. Unfortunately, I can't make a career out of any of those things. Unless I befriend Paris Hilton and become a socialite. Socialite = a nicer way of saying "professional partier".
I'm still invincible to outsiders. I think the only person that is ever capable of bringing me down/stopping me/hurting me is myself. If I wanted to do all the things I wanted to when I was younger, I could. I know this. I just choose to do nothing about it.
I have bad luck with the lottery.
Sometimes I think I'm agoraphobic. Maybe one day if I'm lucky I'll finally move out to Montana and have a farm and live alone. That would be perfect.
UGH! I Wish I didn't complain so much! I'm so sorry, really, I'm so sorry. This is what happens when you let yourself go.
Monday, June 25, 2007
i knew there was something i missed
When did I start getting like this? I can't fall asleep, and I really wish I could because then I'd stop thinking. I wish I was like how I used to be. I don't know what's changed. At the high school graduation that bitch of a superintendent was talking about the differences between pessimists and optimists. Something about how pessimists are willing to give up. I don't like this life.
Monday, June 18, 2007
four leaf clover
I think that either tomorrow or Tuesday I'm going to cut my hair. I really think it's time.
Thursday, May 24, 2007
good publicity.
Last night I had a dream that the "L" train made stops in Rutherford.. how COOL would that be? and for serious, when's it going to happen? We've already got the path, but fuck the path, the path is further from my house than the city is. fuck THE PATH. and it's 3 dollars, or something. whateva, fuck the path, fuck the l train, but my dreams are awesome.
i'm taking a nap, then im showering, then im going out.
dodgeball is pissing me off because no one shows.
I'M HUNGRY.
i'm taking a nap, then im showering, then im going out.
dodgeball is pissing me off because no one shows.
I'M HUNGRY.
Thursday, May 17, 2007
merry go-round
I guess I never realized how dark my hair is. Now that it's growing out (after my attempts to dye it a light brown/dark strawberry blonde color that really just turned to be a shade lighter) my roots look very dark. I like my hair dark anyways, but I think I'm going to dye it again. I realized I need some kind of somewhat constant change in my appearance, and since I can't afford botox/plastic surgery/eyelash extensions, I'll change my hair. I'm getting rid of the bangs too, well, can't really get rid of them, they have to grow out.
Maybe I have subconscious dreams of being a spy. It's not subconscious, it's actually very conscious. I'd love to be the female James Bond.When I was younger I loved Nancy Drew. I had the hardcover books 1-20 (with the original covers), and a bunch of random others. Sometimes when I'm bored I'll still read them, but they aren't as good anymore. Nancy Drew is no where near as cool as James Bond either. AND I'm really pissed that "Emma Roberts" is going to be Nancy Drew in the upcoming movie, which looks like shit and totally ruins N.D. for EVERYONE. Sorry, I get really upset when my favorite childhood chapter books are RUINED IN MOVIES.
I'll admit-- Matilda was GREAT, I liked the movie ending to The Witches better than the book, the original Willy Wonka was perrrfect, I still watch the BSB movie.. I never got into Goosebumps though, oh well.
I'm thinking of which book to start reading tonight. I left Mrs. Dalloway in Nora's car, hopefully I'll remember to pick it up from her soon cause I really wanted to finish that.
Mrs. Dalloway + Franny and Zooey are two books that I took out my sophomore year to read. I didn't get into either, and for some reason franny and zooey confused me. But now three/four years later I LOVE Franny and Zooey, so I want to read Mrs. Dalloway and finish it this time and see if the same holds true.
I watched Garden State tonight. I never was too fond of that movie, it's alright I guess. Someone once told me that Natalie Portman's character reminded them of me. For some reason I won't forget that. Probably cause I find myself to be nothing like her, possibly the farthest thing from her, except for her whole lying thing. I think that's why I don't like that movie, cause her character really annoys the shit out of me. I hope I'm not like her... That would suck haha.
I've been really stressed out about what this fall will be like for me.
I can't even think about it actually, I'll just get sick to my stomach and continue to NOT do anything about it. lazy bitch.
I'm going to go watch 70's crime dramas now and find a book to read.
Good night.
Monday, May 7, 2007
apple regurgitation
Every time I eat apples, I regurgitate them. I just coughed and up came some good ole chewed apples. I hate it, but I love them.
Apples are good for you. They're a whole bunch of fun. You can make so many things from apples....
Like;
apple pie, apple pudding, apple cider/juice, apple liquor, apple + brie cheese crepes, apple smoothies, makeshift bowls, throwing devices, apple bowling balls, the bobbing for apples game, apple beef, apple ham, apple beer, apple tofu, cranberry sauce, and soda.
there are so many more things, but i'll stop there.
Tomorrow I'm going to Englewood and selling crack on the corner.
Actually, I'm going to Englewood for a little early dinner-late lunch date with my girl deana.
everyone's invited.
show
or DIE.
adjfiohmq45i
So pictures of Lindsay Lohan snorting coke with friends just hit the internet. How do you feel about this? Do you think that her rehab stint was all a lie for publicity? Idiots.
I bought four mangoes at shop rite the other day and those bitches better be ripe by tomorrow. I love mangoes, but every time I eat them I have to floss afterward. And then my gums are all bloody and that glorious mango taste blends with that horrible copper taste of blood, and then I cry because my day was ruined. All because I had to eat a mango.
I've got to pull myself together and start doing some work. I feel like I'm really falling behind, basically cause it's true. I feel like everyone else my age is where they should be in life, and I just can't catch up. Once again, because it's true. I'm a fucking bum.
JEANETTE- WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO UPLOAD ASHLEYS PICTURES.
hahahah. sorry.
the music in the fugitive movie is so dramatic. i'm faced away from the tv so I can't really see whats going on, but it really makes me want to laugh.
i'm bored and need another glass of water.
good nigh.
Apples are good for you. They're a whole bunch of fun. You can make so many things from apples....
Like;
apple pie, apple pudding, apple cider/juice, apple liquor, apple + brie cheese crepes, apple smoothies, makeshift bowls, throwing devices, apple bowling balls, the bobbing for apples game, apple beef, apple ham, apple beer, apple tofu, cranberry sauce, and soda.
there are so many more things, but i'll stop there.
Tomorrow I'm going to Englewood and selling crack on the corner.
Actually, I'm going to Englewood for a little early dinner-late lunch date with my girl deana.
everyone's invited.
show
or DIE.
adjfiohmq45i
So pictures of Lindsay Lohan snorting coke with friends just hit the internet. How do you feel about this? Do you think that her rehab stint was all a lie for publicity? Idiots.
I bought four mangoes at shop rite the other day and those bitches better be ripe by tomorrow. I love mangoes, but every time I eat them I have to floss afterward. And then my gums are all bloody and that glorious mango taste blends with that horrible copper taste of blood, and then I cry because my day was ruined. All because I had to eat a mango.
I've got to pull myself together and start doing some work. I feel like I'm really falling behind, basically cause it's true. I feel like everyone else my age is where they should be in life, and I just can't catch up. Once again, because it's true. I'm a fucking bum.
JEANETTE- WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO UPLOAD ASHLEYS PICTURES.
hahahah. sorry.
the music in the fugitive movie is so dramatic. i'm faced away from the tv so I can't really see whats going on, but it really makes me want to laugh.
i'm bored and need another glass of water.
good nigh.
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
dear ashley
for now on, instead of writing dear diary, or dear blog, i'm going to write "Dear ashley". all in honor of the little journal entry i left in her notebook yesterday. and when i do write my "dear ashley" entries, they will be entries with no point and will be completely random. you (the public) do not know what i wrote in her notebook, but it was sick and about global warming, cheese, wax figurines, armeggedon, and 2009.
dear ashley,
today i went to haledon with nora. you missed that, cause your loser ass got mono from exchanging mouthpieces with your fellow wrestlers. didn't your mother ever tell you to never share drinks with people? well, i know that my mother did, simply cause she's nuts. she also told me to never use public bathrooms, and my first encounter with a public bathroom was mortifying. i was in kindergarten, and i was scared to use the bathroom cause my mom had messed me up so badly so i had to be sent home cause i was "sick". all this happened just cause i wanted to pee. now i pee WHEREVER I WANT!
meaning; i pee in memorial field, i pee behind danpuz's garage, i pee at tamblyn, once brielle was afraid to pee alone on union ave so i peed with her, i pee with my friends, I PEED ON AMANDA. thats the truth, it wasn't sexual at all.
so tomorrow I'm going fish walking. I walk fish for a few people twice weekly. If you want me to walk your fish I will, but twice a week = $40, and three times a week = $60. Sorry, I'm just the most professional fish walker around. I throw them in my own personal circular fish bowl, filled with fiji water, only the best, give them prada bathrobes, and fancy feast fish food. Then for 40$ a week they get 30 minute walk arounds, to the most glorious places on earth. Kilimanjaro, Madagascar, Tibet, Grand Canyon, Alaska, you get the picture. If you'd like the "city package" that will cost a little more, I'll take your fish on a bike through new york city visiting china town, harlem, + all the biggest attractions. Maybe a little swim at coney island if he/she is up for it. Then a lunch at bungalow 8, with a few drinks as well. The only way fish can drink liquor though is through needles, so I hope if your fish is an alcoholic, that they won't have a problem handling needles.
Make sure you trust your fish. If your fish has been acting weird, stealing money, and has "alcohol needles", be careful, your fish might really be having a heroin problem, just keep an eye out for those symptoms cause fish rehabilitation clinics have increased their fees by 66% in recent months.
well ashley, i must go, I hope you consider buying a goldfish and allowing me to take walks with it. Just so that way I make money from doing absolutely nothing, and your ass will be broke.
dear ashley,
today i went to haledon with nora. you missed that, cause your loser ass got mono from exchanging mouthpieces with your fellow wrestlers. didn't your mother ever tell you to never share drinks with people? well, i know that my mother did, simply cause she's nuts. she also told me to never use public bathrooms, and my first encounter with a public bathroom was mortifying. i was in kindergarten, and i was scared to use the bathroom cause my mom had messed me up so badly so i had to be sent home cause i was "sick". all this happened just cause i wanted to pee. now i pee WHEREVER I WANT!
meaning; i pee in memorial field, i pee behind danpuz's garage, i pee at tamblyn, once brielle was afraid to pee alone on union ave so i peed with her, i pee with my friends, I PEED ON AMANDA. thats the truth, it wasn't sexual at all.
so tomorrow I'm going fish walking. I walk fish for a few people twice weekly. If you want me to walk your fish I will, but twice a week = $40, and three times a week = $60. Sorry, I'm just the most professional fish walker around. I throw them in my own personal circular fish bowl, filled with fiji water, only the best, give them prada bathrobes, and fancy feast fish food. Then for 40$ a week they get 30 minute walk arounds, to the most glorious places on earth. Kilimanjaro, Madagascar, Tibet, Grand Canyon, Alaska, you get the picture. If you'd like the "city package" that will cost a little more, I'll take your fish on a bike through new york city visiting china town, harlem, + all the biggest attractions. Maybe a little swim at coney island if he/she is up for it. Then a lunch at bungalow 8, with a few drinks as well. The only way fish can drink liquor though is through needles, so I hope if your fish is an alcoholic, that they won't have a problem handling needles.
Make sure you trust your fish. If your fish has been acting weird, stealing money, and has "alcohol needles", be careful, your fish might really be having a heroin problem, just keep an eye out for those symptoms cause fish rehabilitation clinics have increased their fees by 66% in recent months.
well ashley, i must go, I hope you consider buying a goldfish and allowing me to take walks with it. Just so that way I make money from doing absolutely nothing, and your ass will be broke.
Saturday, April 21, 2007
Sunday, April 15, 2007
twelve stars
I can't believe that I had work today, really I can't get over it. We didn't close... NOTHING. The ramps to get there were closed, 17 was closed. When I was driving into my own personal hell, my brakes decided they didn't want to -oh i don't know- WORK. but i was going about 10 miles an hour, and i was in my car screaming, cause my brakes kinda gave out. i eventually stopped in a parking spot though, so all was well.
my mother is bothering me. I really can't stand that woman. Apparently it's my fault that the washer is broken. um, no really you bitch I didn't do it. She has this problem where things are never her fault, maybe it's cause she's a crazy, neurotic, obsessive compulsive psychopath? Yes, I think it is. I want to move out.
Saturday is a surprise party for a friend of mine. I'm making a cake. Or rather, cupcakes. They're better.
Tomorrow I have work.
again.
I hope the rain stops, I really hate it.
Tonight is Kyle's last night. She'll be back for her birthday though.
Big partee.
I took off for cinco de mayo (my brother's communion) and memorial day weekend today. I hope plans don't fall through and we actually go to the beach.
whatever
the end
my mother is bothering me. I really can't stand that woman. Apparently it's my fault that the washer is broken. um, no really you bitch I didn't do it. She has this problem where things are never her fault, maybe it's cause she's a crazy, neurotic, obsessive compulsive psychopath? Yes, I think it is. I want to move out.
Saturday is a surprise party for a friend of mine. I'm making a cake. Or rather, cupcakes. They're better.
Tomorrow I have work.
again.
I hope the rain stops, I really hate it.
Tonight is Kyle's last night. She'll be back for her birthday though.
Big partee.
I took off for cinco de mayo (my brother's communion) and memorial day weekend today. I hope plans don't fall through and we actually go to the beach.
whatever
the end
Sunday, April 1, 2007
silent shout
in a dream i lost my teeth again. calling me woman and half man. yes in a dream all my teeth fell out. a cracked smile and a silent shout. a cracked smile and a silent shout.
this weekend has been nuts.
i decided to stay in tonight after not sleeping at home for two nights in a row.
i've been running every day. becoming more motivated.
maybe by motivating myself to run, i'll also be able to train myself to be motivated with other things. aka. school work.
everything's passing by me so fast.
i've had so many good opportunities.
3:33 am
I bought two lottery tickets today. I lost on both of them.
I'm not asking for millions, just like 50 dollars. that would be really nice.
I really don't ask for a lot I don't think.
So, I think I've discovered the perfect male counterpart.
well, not who he is, but rather what I'd like in someone.
I'd like to find myself someone that will completely ignore me. I think I'm slightly masochistic, whatever. I'm very sick of clingy-smothering boys, nice boys, pseudo-intellectuals, dreamers, and worst of all..... boys that don't dance.
I went dancing last night, the dancing part was fun as always. Walking miles around Brooklyn in the cold + a dress wasn't so much. Two idiots tried bringing us to a 24-7 pizza place. One of them said everything was on him, so of course we'd all be cool with that. After walking a mile or so though, and discovering it was closed, I was kinda cranky. So while two of my friends were making out with the two idiots. I sat on the corner. (okay, they were not idiots, they actually nice).
good night humans.
this weekend has been nuts.
i decided to stay in tonight after not sleeping at home for two nights in a row.
i've been running every day. becoming more motivated.
maybe by motivating myself to run, i'll also be able to train myself to be motivated with other things. aka. school work.
everything's passing by me so fast.
i've had so many good opportunities.
3:33 am
I bought two lottery tickets today. I lost on both of them.
I'm not asking for millions, just like 50 dollars. that would be really nice.
I really don't ask for a lot I don't think.
So, I think I've discovered the perfect male counterpart.
well, not who he is, but rather what I'd like in someone.
I'd like to find myself someone that will completely ignore me. I think I'm slightly masochistic, whatever. I'm very sick of clingy-smothering boys, nice boys, pseudo-intellectuals, dreamers, and worst of all..... boys that don't dance.
I went dancing last night, the dancing part was fun as always. Walking miles around Brooklyn in the cold + a dress wasn't so much. Two idiots tried bringing us to a 24-7 pizza place. One of them said everything was on him, so of course we'd all be cool with that. After walking a mile or so though, and discovering it was closed, I was kinda cranky. So while two of my friends were making out with the two idiots. I sat on the corner. (okay, they were not idiots, they actually nice).
good night humans.
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
scooters, vacation, fall
my life is in the crapper.
since I don't do anything besides sit around the house all day... who wants to hang out tomorrow? I don't have work this Friday or Saturday. I'm so excited.
Not.
I'm so bored.
since I don't do anything besides sit around the house all day... who wants to hang out tomorrow? I don't have work this Friday or Saturday. I'm so excited.
Not.
I'm so bored.
Thursday, March 22, 2007
trash can
i'm going to cut out my brain with a spoon.
i'm not going to leave anymore franny + zooey quotes cause i'm too lazy and i don't give a shit. i finally have a padlock necklace. thank you marissa's diary. don't worry, it's classy, never trashy. HAHAHAHAHA. hypocrite.
tomorrow i'm going to amandas school. then in the morning i'm going out with tiffany. i'm hella excited cause i haven't seen that crazy 4-inch-heel-loving bitch in so long. then friday night..... PARTY.
suggest something good for me to read you fuckers who never read this.
i'm in between i think.. 5 books right now... it's absolutely impossible for me to complete ANYTHING. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME.
I've already been using too many caps lock in this entry. That will officially ruin my night. I'm lying, really. My right arm is so fucking cold. Poor circulation, "ew".
Nora + I tried to get served at the arena diner in Hackensack, didn't work out so well. blows. I guess we'll be going to family fun for quite sometime, until we get fake id's / turn 21. but like.. UGH... I just don't want to buy an i.d. cause I'm sooooo close to 21, so god damn close. I need a sweater I'm freezing. I hate my cheap ass mom and her "keep the house at 69 degrees".. yeah well she doesn't live in the basement where it's about five degrees colder and I can no longer feel the tip of my nose.
My basement smells like mildew. Part of my basement was flooding this week. There was a sinkhole in the middle of the street that collapsed our water line. something like that.
jesus&marychain<333 SO YUMMY.
my clothes smell, i don't remember the last time i washed this sweater. it's got the lingering smell of smoke, houlihans, sweat, and a little bit of acid rain. I wonder when I wore this out raining? I'm wearing my sister's tiffany necklace right now. She threatened my life if I lost it. Why didn't I ever get a tiffany's necklace when I was younger? This is such bullshit. I will never adjust to having siblings. Or rather, I will never adjust to my siblings having much more than I did/do. Spoiled rotten brats (myself included in that one)
Nora and I want to go see a show next week, get drunk, and have an all-around good time. I miss good times. What the hell am I getting so nostalgic over. Pretend like the last two sentences were never in here.
I'm listening to 90s club kid songs. I feel like a loser. I love dancing, deal with it.
I gave up on my sewing machine last week, sucks that I bought all this fabric. It's such nice fabric too. I hate technology.
I'm getting a gold chain for easter... holla!
i'm not going to leave anymore franny + zooey quotes cause i'm too lazy and i don't give a shit. i finally have a padlock necklace. thank you marissa's diary. don't worry, it's classy, never trashy. HAHAHAHAHA. hypocrite.
tomorrow i'm going to amandas school. then in the morning i'm going out with tiffany. i'm hella excited cause i haven't seen that crazy 4-inch-heel-loving bitch in so long. then friday night..... PARTY.
suggest something good for me to read you fuckers who never read this.
i'm in between i think.. 5 books right now... it's absolutely impossible for me to complete ANYTHING. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME.
I've already been using too many caps lock in this entry. That will officially ruin my night. I'm lying, really. My right arm is so fucking cold. Poor circulation, "ew".
Nora + I tried to get served at the arena diner in Hackensack, didn't work out so well. blows. I guess we'll be going to family fun for quite sometime, until we get fake id's / turn 21. but like.. UGH... I just don't want to buy an i.d. cause I'm sooooo close to 21, so god damn close. I need a sweater I'm freezing. I hate my cheap ass mom and her "keep the house at 69 degrees".. yeah well she doesn't live in the basement where it's about five degrees colder and I can no longer feel the tip of my nose.
My basement smells like mildew. Part of my basement was flooding this week. There was a sinkhole in the middle of the street that collapsed our water line. something like that.
jesus&marychain<333 SO YUMMY.
my clothes smell, i don't remember the last time i washed this sweater. it's got the lingering smell of smoke, houlihans, sweat, and a little bit of acid rain. I wonder when I wore this out raining? I'm wearing my sister's tiffany necklace right now. She threatened my life if I lost it. Why didn't I ever get a tiffany's necklace when I was younger? This is such bullshit. I will never adjust to having siblings. Or rather, I will never adjust to my siblings having much more than I did/do. Spoiled rotten brats (myself included in that one)
Nora and I want to go see a show next week, get drunk, and have an all-around good time. I miss good times. What the hell am I getting so nostalgic over. Pretend like the last two sentences were never in here.
I'm listening to 90s club kid songs. I feel like a loser. I love dancing, deal with it.
I gave up on my sewing machine last week, sucks that I bought all this fabric. It's such nice fabric too. I hate technology.
I'm getting a gold chain for easter... holla!
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
neon bible
For me, it's the week of the neon bible. I'm really loving it. I downloaded the entire album yesterday. Oh, I'm really loving it. I'll leave you with some of my favorite quotes/paragraphs from a book I like.
"Oh it's lovely to see you!" Franny said as the cab moved off. "I've missed you." The words were no sooner out than she realized that she didn't mean them at all. Again with guilt, she took Lane's hand and tightly, warmly laced fingers with him.
Franny nodded solemnly. She was looking at a little warm blotch of sunshine, about the size of a poker chip, on the tablecloth. "I had to strain to write it," she said.
She tipped her ashes. "I'm just so sick of pedants and conceited little tearer-downers I could scream." She looked at Lane. "I'm sorry. I'll stop. I give you my word... It's just that if I'd had any guts at all, I wouldn't have gone back to college at all this year. I don't know. I mean it's all the most incredible farce."
"Brilliant. That's really brilliant." Franny took the sarcasm as her due. "I'm sorry," she said.
"Stop saying you're sorry- do you mind? I don't supposed it's occurred to you that you're making one helluva sweeping generalization..."
"I know this much, is all," Franny said. "If you're a poet, you do something beautiful. I mean, you're supposed to leave something beautiful after you get off the page and everything. The ones you're talking about don't leave a single, solitary thing beautiful. All that maybe the slightly better ones do is sort of get inside your head and leave something there, but just because they do, just because they know how to leave something, it doesn't have to be a poem, for heaven's sake. It may just be some kind of terribly fascinating, syntaxy droppings- excuse the expression."
"I do like him. I'm sick of just liking people. I wish to god I could meet somebody I could respect.. Would you excuse me for just a minute?" Franny was suddenly on her feet, with her handbag in her hand. She was very pale.
Without any apparent regard to the suchness of her environment, she sat down. She brought her knees together very firmly, as if to make herself a smaller, more compact unit. Then she placed her hands, vertically, over her eyes and pressed the heels hard, as though to paralyze the optic nerve and drown all images into a voidlike black. Her extended fingers, though trembling, or because they were trembling, looked oddly graceful and pretty. She held that tense, almost fetal position for a suspensory moment-- then broke down. She cried for fully five minutes. She cried without trying to suppress any of the noisier manifestations of grief and confusion, with all the convulsive throat sounds that a hysterical child makes when the breath is trying to get up through a partly close epiglottis. And yet, when finally she stopped, she merely stopped, without the painful, knifelike intakes of breath that usually follow a violent outburst-inburst. When she stopped, it was as though some momentous change of polarity had taken place inside her mind, one that had an immediate, pacifying effect on her body.
My fingers are cold. There's much more that I wanted to put down. But my fingers are cold and it's getting late. I'll type in some more paragraphs tomorrow. I should get some sleep.
"Oh it's lovely to see you!" Franny said as the cab moved off. "I've missed you." The words were no sooner out than she realized that she didn't mean them at all. Again with guilt, she took Lane's hand and tightly, warmly laced fingers with him.
Franny nodded solemnly. She was looking at a little warm blotch of sunshine, about the size of a poker chip, on the tablecloth. "I had to strain to write it," she said.
She tipped her ashes. "I'm just so sick of pedants and conceited little tearer-downers I could scream." She looked at Lane. "I'm sorry. I'll stop. I give you my word... It's just that if I'd had any guts at all, I wouldn't have gone back to college at all this year. I don't know. I mean it's all the most incredible farce."
"Brilliant. That's really brilliant." Franny took the sarcasm as her due. "I'm sorry," she said.
"Stop saying you're sorry- do you mind? I don't supposed it's occurred to you that you're making one helluva sweeping generalization..."
"I know this much, is all," Franny said. "If you're a poet, you do something beautiful. I mean, you're supposed to leave something beautiful after you get off the page and everything. The ones you're talking about don't leave a single, solitary thing beautiful. All that maybe the slightly better ones do is sort of get inside your head and leave something there, but just because they do, just because they know how to leave something, it doesn't have to be a poem, for heaven's sake. It may just be some kind of terribly fascinating, syntaxy droppings- excuse the expression."
"I do like him. I'm sick of just liking people. I wish to god I could meet somebody I could respect.. Would you excuse me for just a minute?" Franny was suddenly on her feet, with her handbag in her hand. She was very pale.
Without any apparent regard to the suchness of her environment, she sat down. She brought her knees together very firmly, as if to make herself a smaller, more compact unit. Then she placed her hands, vertically, over her eyes and pressed the heels hard, as though to paralyze the optic nerve and drown all images into a voidlike black. Her extended fingers, though trembling, or because they were trembling, looked oddly graceful and pretty. She held that tense, almost fetal position for a suspensory moment-- then broke down. She cried for fully five minutes. She cried without trying to suppress any of the noisier manifestations of grief and confusion, with all the convulsive throat sounds that a hysterical child makes when the breath is trying to get up through a partly close epiglottis. And yet, when finally she stopped, she merely stopped, without the painful, knifelike intakes of breath that usually follow a violent outburst-inburst. When she stopped, it was as though some momentous change of polarity had taken place inside her mind, one that had an immediate, pacifying effect on her body.
My fingers are cold. There's much more that I wanted to put down. But my fingers are cold and it's getting late. I'll type in some more paragraphs tomorrow. I should get some sleep.
Friday, March 16, 2007
shining star
yo, i'm totally loving the new jtimb/nellyfurtado/timbaland song. IT'S SO GOOD.
soooo tomorrow my lay-zee @$$ is going to apply for a job with nora.
I realized this week, that I have neverrrr gotten a job on my own.
#1, Meadows School (Sept 2003-June 2005). Rutherford, NJ.
My mom had the connection. And also forced me to get a job OR ELSE. or else what.. I don't know, but I probably cried and hoped lightning would strike her on my first day.
hourly rate (FOR TWO YEARS)= $5.00 (bullshit)
#2, Cheesecake Factory (Sept 2005-October 2005). White Plains, NY.
My friends + I from school went to go get jobs. Five of us went in, three of us got jobs. I stopped showing up after a month, although I got really good paychecks.
hourly rate= $9.00
#3, Houlihans (June 2006 - Present). Hasbrouck Heights, NJ.
I fucking hate working in the food industry. My philosophy on life is that everyone should work in a restaurant at least once before they die. Just so they know how painful it is, and TO NOT GIVE THEIR HOSTESSES ATTITUDES OR LEAVE SERVERS BAD TIPS, I HATE YOU CHEAP BASTARDS. Brielle got me this job. I actually like it... kinda...
hourly rate= $8.00 then I got a raise to $8.75!!! hahaha
Hopefully I will be adding h&m to this list.
We'll see how this goes.
Tomorrow's forecast is snow. And doctors and scientists wonder why people get pneumonia, among other cold-like ailments. GLOBAL WARMING PEOPLE! START BEING MORE ENVIRONMENTALLY CONSCIOUS!
I guess I should follow that advice as well.
Damn, I just love disco. I can't get enough earth, wind, and fire. oooo yummy!
peace + love!
soooo tomorrow my lay-zee @$$ is going to apply for a job with nora.
I realized this week, that I have neverrrr gotten a job on my own.
#1, Meadows School (Sept 2003-June 2005). Rutherford, NJ.
My mom had the connection. And also forced me to get a job OR ELSE. or else what.. I don't know, but I probably cried and hoped lightning would strike her on my first day.
hourly rate (FOR TWO YEARS)= $5.00 (bullshit)
#2, Cheesecake Factory (Sept 2005-October 2005). White Plains, NY.
My friends + I from school went to go get jobs. Five of us went in, three of us got jobs. I stopped showing up after a month, although I got really good paychecks.
hourly rate= $9.00
#3, Houlihans (June 2006 - Present). Hasbrouck Heights, NJ.
I fucking hate working in the food industry. My philosophy on life is that everyone should work in a restaurant at least once before they die. Just so they know how painful it is, and TO NOT GIVE THEIR HOSTESSES ATTITUDES OR LEAVE SERVERS BAD TIPS, I HATE YOU CHEAP BASTARDS. Brielle got me this job. I actually like it... kinda...
hourly rate= $8.00 then I got a raise to $8.75!!! hahaha
Hopefully I will be adding h&m to this list.
We'll see how this goes.
Tomorrow's forecast is snow. And doctors and scientists wonder why people get pneumonia, among other cold-like ailments. GLOBAL WARMING PEOPLE! START BEING MORE ENVIRONMENTALLY CONSCIOUS!
I guess I should follow that advice as well.
Damn, I just love disco. I can't get enough earth, wind, and fire. oooo yummy!
peace + love!
Tuesday, March 6, 2007
broken glass
I had the third dream since New Years' about my teeth breaking. Not rotting or getting cavities, but them actually breaking.
The first dream- an old couple (fat italian looking woman and skinny man) put a crow bar inside my mouth and ripped out my teeth, which then ended up feeling/looking like shards of broken glass.
second dream- can't really remember, but it was very similar
last night's dream- the last molar in my mouth had broken in half and i could see the inside of my tooth, and in my gum there was a dark purple spot where the piece had once gone. but i couldn't really look at it cause it was all the way in the back of my mouth.
what the fuck is going on here?
can someone tell me?
i'm a loser that goes to those dream interpretation sites all the time, they say that i'm hiding a secret that i want to tell the world, some shit like that.
but really, i'm almost positive i'm not hiding anything from everyone.
jeezus. i hate reoccuring dreams. this used to happen to me all the time when i was younger.
The first dream- an old couple (fat italian looking woman and skinny man) put a crow bar inside my mouth and ripped out my teeth, which then ended up feeling/looking like shards of broken glass.
second dream- can't really remember, but it was very similar
last night's dream- the last molar in my mouth had broken in half and i could see the inside of my tooth, and in my gum there was a dark purple spot where the piece had once gone. but i couldn't really look at it cause it was all the way in the back of my mouth.
what the fuck is going on here?
can someone tell me?
i'm a loser that goes to those dream interpretation sites all the time, they say that i'm hiding a secret that i want to tell the world, some shit like that.
but really, i'm almost positive i'm not hiding anything from everyone.
jeezus. i hate reoccuring dreams. this used to happen to me all the time when i was younger.
Sunday, March 4, 2007
infinite sadness
last night i lost the best valentine's day gift I had ever received.
if anyone finds a gold ring with like a black stone in the middle, please let me know.
it was so dear to my heart.
i found it on the stairs in front of my house on valentine's day (night) after sholving snow. it was meant to be. i love that ring. :((((((((((((((((((((((((((
if anyone finds a gold ring with like a black stone in the middle, please let me know.
it was so dear to my heart.
i found it on the stairs in front of my house on valentine's day (night) after sholving snow. it was meant to be. i love that ring. :((((((((((((((((((((((((((
Thursday, March 1, 2007
two parts of a whole
most days i don't really feel right. today i don't feel right. i started the day very well. i had gotten a very good sleep last night, a full 12 hours. i went to sleep early. it was a beautiful day, too. i kept getting my shoes stuck in mud. then tonight i skipped class, and drove to hoboken, and i guess that's when i started not to feel so well. no, actually i'm lying. i didn't feel well before that. i bought some clothes today in an impulse. i think i have a shopping problem, yes. some people like to eat to cope with whatever their problem of the day is. well, i like to eat and shop. which yields bigger problems. me being fat -> me needing to buy more clothes since i can't fit in any. i guess i should quit my impulsive behaviors, it would be a lot better for myself.
"The second time I meant, To last it out and not come back at all. I rocked shut,
As a seashell. They had to call and call, And pick the worms off me like sticky pearls.
Dying
Is and art, like everything else. I do it exceptionally well.
I do it so it feels like hell. I do it so it feels real. I guess you could say I've a call.
It's easy enough to do it in a cell. It's easy enough to do it and stay put. It's the theatrical.
Comeback in broad day, To the same place, the same face, the same brute, Amused shout:
'A miracle!' That knocks me out. There is a charge
For the eyeing my scars, there is a charge, For the hearing of my heart--- It really goes..."
"I am your opus, I am your valuable, The pure gold baby
That melts to a shriek. I turn and burn. Do not think I underestimate your great concern.
Ash, Ash--- You poke and stir. Flesh, bone, there is nothing there---
A cake of soap, A wedding ring, A gold filling.
Herr god, Herr lucifer, Beware, Beware.
Out of the ash, I rise with my red hair, And I eat men like air."
I don't feel so good. most of the time. I really feel like I'm losing touch with everyone. I feel like that all the time though. I go through these miniature breakdowns quite often. I'm often found reevaluating my life, here in my basement.
I got rid of a lot of negative influences (people, places, things, nouns) in my life. I thought that would help me out with a lot of things. It did, I guess. I really have nothing to say in here, cause I don't want to say anything to you people reading this. It's not personal, it's just the way I am. I don't really like anyone knowing how I feel about things. sorry.
I hope you all have a good night and a good weekend.
The end.
"The second time I meant, To last it out and not come back at all. I rocked shut,
As a seashell. They had to call and call, And pick the worms off me like sticky pearls.
Dying
Is and art, like everything else. I do it exceptionally well.
I do it so it feels like hell. I do it so it feels real. I guess you could say I've a call.
It's easy enough to do it in a cell. It's easy enough to do it and stay put. It's the theatrical.
Comeback in broad day, To the same place, the same face, the same brute, Amused shout:
'A miracle!' That knocks me out. There is a charge
For the eyeing my scars, there is a charge, For the hearing of my heart--- It really goes..."
"I am your opus, I am your valuable, The pure gold baby
That melts to a shriek. I turn and burn. Do not think I underestimate your great concern.
Ash, Ash--- You poke and stir. Flesh, bone, there is nothing there---
A cake of soap, A wedding ring, A gold filling.
Herr god, Herr lucifer, Beware, Beware.
Out of the ash, I rise with my red hair, And I eat men like air."
I don't feel so good. most of the time. I really feel like I'm losing touch with everyone. I feel like that all the time though. I go through these miniature breakdowns quite often. I'm often found reevaluating my life, here in my basement.
I got rid of a lot of negative influences (people, places, things, nouns) in my life. I thought that would help me out with a lot of things. It did, I guess. I really have nothing to say in here, cause I don't want to say anything to you people reading this. It's not personal, it's just the way I am. I don't really like anyone knowing how I feel about things. sorry.
I hope you all have a good night and a good weekend.
The end.
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
central and remote.
central, remote, any further and i'll know.
So today I got into a pretty vicious car accident. I was on the parkway, going a steady 75 miles per hour, when a van just cut across three lanes and smashed right into me. Seemed to be almost on purpose, and the guy in the van just got out of the car all bloodied up and ran into the bushes of clifton, new jersey.
but then the most important part of the story...
the police were called and my car was folded in half along the divider and i was stuck under my steering wheel some how.. but as soon as "let's go crazy" (the prince song, you know what I'm talking about) came on my stereo, i was soon transported into an alien spacecraft. I don't know how this happened, or maybeeeee this accident was my fate which would lead me to my true calling (alien spacecraft princess)..
but anyways, now i'm up here, fifty thousand light years away, and ten galaxies to the south, and I've just become the new princess of Planet Weird.
I love it here and I'm never going back to STUPID earth.
ew losers, i hate you all.
but maybe if you're lucky enough, I can teleport you (we have these abilities on PW) over here. Just look into a mirror at midnight and say "bloody mary" three times, then you'll see my vision, and I'll decide whether or not you'll leave the dark side to come and live permanently on Planet Weird.
Please come visit! Love you all! See you in 2018.
So today I got into a pretty vicious car accident. I was on the parkway, going a steady 75 miles per hour, when a van just cut across three lanes and smashed right into me. Seemed to be almost on purpose, and the guy in the van just got out of the car all bloodied up and ran into the bushes of clifton, new jersey.
but then the most important part of the story...
the police were called and my car was folded in half along the divider and i was stuck under my steering wheel some how.. but as soon as "let's go crazy" (the prince song, you know what I'm talking about) came on my stereo, i was soon transported into an alien spacecraft. I don't know how this happened, or maybeeeee this accident was my fate which would lead me to my true calling (alien spacecraft princess)..
but anyways, now i'm up here, fifty thousand light years away, and ten galaxies to the south, and I've just become the new princess of Planet Weird.
I love it here and I'm never going back to STUPID earth.
ew losers, i hate you all.
but maybe if you're lucky enough, I can teleport you (we have these abilities on PW) over here. Just look into a mirror at midnight and say "bloody mary" three times, then you'll see my vision, and I'll decide whether or not you'll leave the dark side to come and live permanently on Planet Weird.
Please come visit! Love you all! See you in 2018.
Sunday, February 25, 2007
don't think twice, its alright.
i had work today, my manager let most of us leave early cause she was worried. what a cutie pie.
my head still hurts from friday night. apparently, ashley witnessed me fall backwards + i hit my head. what fun.
i have lead poisoning. no, not really, i'm lying. on friday though, i did accidentally stab myself with a pen. now in the middle finger of my left hand is a small, black ink dot.
i really hope i don't have cla$$ tomorrow. \
blahblahlbahlbalhalhalhlahl.
i hate blogs, i really do, i have nothing to write in them. i really don't want the world seeing what i have to say about recent events surrounding my life.
i guess i'll make this as vague as possible without people catching on to my crazy ways.
i'm tired, but its too early to go to sleep.
my head still hurts from friday night. apparently, ashley witnessed me fall backwards + i hit my head. what fun.
i have lead poisoning. no, not really, i'm lying. on friday though, i did accidentally stab myself with a pen. now in the middle finger of my left hand is a small, black ink dot.
i really hope i don't have cla$$ tomorrow. \
blahblahlbahlbalhalhalhlahl.
i hate blogs, i really do, i have nothing to write in them. i really don't want the world seeing what i have to say about recent events surrounding my life.
i guess i'll make this as vague as possible without people catching on to my crazy ways.
i'm tired, but its too early to go to sleep.
Thursday, February 8, 2007
heart attack
anna nicole is dead!!! the world is officially ending. i've got strep throat, anna is dead, the glaciers are melting, i filled my gas tank for the first time in a year, my family is leaving in four days, carbon taxes might be the newest thing on pennsylvania avenue, aids in china is increasing, THIS IS TOO WEIRD!
something.
is.
wrong.
on a brighter note, i feel like i'm getting better. no more chills, fever, stomach pains (kinda), or headaches. my throat still hurts though. it feels like hydrochloric acid is just chillin' out in the back of my throat eating away at my glands! yummmmmy!
valentine's day is coming up.
since i am like the only hostess who is single- of course i got a phone call asking if i could work that day. but i can't cause i've got classes. i'd hate to do that anyways.
anyone that goes to houlihans for valentine's day is an idiot. if you're reading this now, don't go there.
i have to call deana tomorrow. i missed her phone call on wednesday.
i've been in complete seclusion all week. i've probably left my house about three times.
but hey! i've lost some pounds, niiice niiice.
i don't know what i'm doing tomorrow night, i just hope i feel better. i hope tonight i can go to sleep. every time i try to sleep at night it's utterly impossible. sorry, i keep complaining, but it's the only thing that's been going on in my life.
next week will be much better.
something.
is.
wrong.
on a brighter note, i feel like i'm getting better. no more chills, fever, stomach pains (kinda), or headaches. my throat still hurts though. it feels like hydrochloric acid is just chillin' out in the back of my throat eating away at my glands! yummmmmy!
valentine's day is coming up.
since i am like the only hostess who is single- of course i got a phone call asking if i could work that day. but i can't cause i've got classes. i'd hate to do that anyways.
anyone that goes to houlihans for valentine's day is an idiot. if you're reading this now, don't go there.
i have to call deana tomorrow. i missed her phone call on wednesday.
i've been in complete seclusion all week. i've probably left my house about three times.
but hey! i've lost some pounds, niiice niiice.
i don't know what i'm doing tomorrow night, i just hope i feel better. i hope tonight i can go to sleep. every time i try to sleep at night it's utterly impossible. sorry, i keep complaining, but it's the only thing that's been going on in my life.
next week will be much better.
Thursday, February 1, 2007
well now...
ever!!!! who's reading this? i'd like to know, but i'm not going to know. oh well!!! i want some chocolate chip cookiesiisiesiises.. COOKIES. woo hoo. please hold.
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