two parts of a whole

most days i don't really feel right. today i don't feel right. i started the day very well. i had gotten a very good sleep last night, a full 12 hours. i went to sleep early. it was a beautiful day, too. i kept getting my shoes stuck in mud. then tonight i skipped class, and drove to hoboken, and i guess that's when i started not to feel so well. no, actually i'm lying. i didn't feel well before that. i bought some clothes today in an impulse. i think i have a shopping problem, yes. some people like to eat to cope with whatever their problem of the day is. well, i like to eat and shop. which yields bigger problems. me being fat -> me needing to buy more clothes since i can't fit in any. i guess i should quit my impulsive behaviors, it would be a lot better for myself.


"The second time I meant, To last it out and not come back at all. I rocked shut,
As a seashell. They had to call and call, And pick the worms off me like sticky pearls.
Dying
Is and art, like everything else. I do it exceptionally well.
I do it so it feels like hell. I do it so it feels real. I guess you could say I've a call.
It's easy enough to do it in a cell. It's easy enough to do it and stay put. It's the theatrical.
Comeback in broad day, To the same place, the same face, the same brute, Amused shout:
'A miracle!' That knocks me out. There is a charge
For the eyeing my scars, there is a charge, For the hearing of my heart--- It really goes..."

"I am your opus, I am your valuable, The pure gold baby
That melts to a shriek. I turn and burn. Do not think I underestimate your great concern.
Ash, Ash--- You poke and stir. Flesh, bone, there is nothing there---
A cake of soap, A wedding ring, A gold filling.
Herr god, Herr lucifer, Beware, Beware.
Out of the ash, I rise with my red hair, And I eat men like air."



I don't feel so good. most of the time. I really feel like I'm losing touch with everyone. I feel like that all the time though. I go through these miniature breakdowns quite often. I'm often found reevaluating my life, here in my basement.
I got rid of a lot of negative influences (people, places, things, nouns) in my life. I thought that would help me out with a lot of things. It did, I guess. I really have nothing to say in here, cause I don't want to say anything to you people reading this. It's not personal, it's just the way I am. I don't really like anyone knowing how I feel about things. sorry.

I hope you all have a good night and a good weekend.
The end.