my life is in the crapper.
since I don't do anything besides sit around the house all day... who wants to hang out tomorrow? I don't have work this Friday or Saturday. I'm so excited.
Not.
I'm so bored.
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Thursday, March 22, 2007
trash can
i'm going to cut out my brain with a spoon.
i'm not going to leave anymore franny + zooey quotes cause i'm too lazy and i don't give a shit. i finally have a padlock necklace. thank you marissa's diary. don't worry, it's classy, never trashy. HAHAHAHAHA. hypocrite.
tomorrow i'm going to amandas school. then in the morning i'm going out with tiffany. i'm hella excited cause i haven't seen that crazy 4-inch-heel-loving bitch in so long. then friday night..... PARTY.
suggest something good for me to read you fuckers who never read this.
i'm in between i think.. 5 books right now... it's absolutely impossible for me to complete ANYTHING. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME.
I've already been using too many caps lock in this entry. That will officially ruin my night. I'm lying, really. My right arm is so fucking cold. Poor circulation, "ew".
Nora + I tried to get served at the arena diner in Hackensack, didn't work out so well. blows. I guess we'll be going to family fun for quite sometime, until we get fake id's / turn 21. but like.. UGH... I just don't want to buy an i.d. cause I'm sooooo close to 21, so god damn close. I need a sweater I'm freezing. I hate my cheap ass mom and her "keep the house at 69 degrees".. yeah well she doesn't live in the basement where it's about five degrees colder and I can no longer feel the tip of my nose.
My basement smells like mildew. Part of my basement was flooding this week. There was a sinkhole in the middle of the street that collapsed our water line. something like that.
jesus&marychain<333 SO YUMMY.
my clothes smell, i don't remember the last time i washed this sweater. it's got the lingering smell of smoke, houlihans, sweat, and a little bit of acid rain. I wonder when I wore this out raining? I'm wearing my sister's tiffany necklace right now. She threatened my life if I lost it. Why didn't I ever get a tiffany's necklace when I was younger? This is such bullshit. I will never adjust to having siblings. Or rather, I will never adjust to my siblings having much more than I did/do. Spoiled rotten brats (myself included in that one)
Nora and I want to go see a show next week, get drunk, and have an all-around good time. I miss good times. What the hell am I getting so nostalgic over. Pretend like the last two sentences were never in here.
I'm listening to 90s club kid songs. I feel like a loser. I love dancing, deal with it.
I gave up on my sewing machine last week, sucks that I bought all this fabric. It's such nice fabric too. I hate technology.
I'm getting a gold chain for easter... holla!
i'm not going to leave anymore franny + zooey quotes cause i'm too lazy and i don't give a shit. i finally have a padlock necklace. thank you marissa's diary. don't worry, it's classy, never trashy. HAHAHAHAHA. hypocrite.
tomorrow i'm going to amandas school. then in the morning i'm going out with tiffany. i'm hella excited cause i haven't seen that crazy 4-inch-heel-loving bitch in so long. then friday night..... PARTY.
suggest something good for me to read you fuckers who never read this.
i'm in between i think.. 5 books right now... it's absolutely impossible for me to complete ANYTHING. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME.
I've already been using too many caps lock in this entry. That will officially ruin my night. I'm lying, really. My right arm is so fucking cold. Poor circulation, "ew".
Nora + I tried to get served at the arena diner in Hackensack, didn't work out so well. blows. I guess we'll be going to family fun for quite sometime, until we get fake id's / turn 21. but like.. UGH... I just don't want to buy an i.d. cause I'm sooooo close to 21, so god damn close. I need a sweater I'm freezing. I hate my cheap ass mom and her "keep the house at 69 degrees".. yeah well she doesn't live in the basement where it's about five degrees colder and I can no longer feel the tip of my nose.
My basement smells like mildew. Part of my basement was flooding this week. There was a sinkhole in the middle of the street that collapsed our water line. something like that.
jesus&marychain<333 SO YUMMY.
my clothes smell, i don't remember the last time i washed this sweater. it's got the lingering smell of smoke, houlihans, sweat, and a little bit of acid rain. I wonder when I wore this out raining? I'm wearing my sister's tiffany necklace right now. She threatened my life if I lost it. Why didn't I ever get a tiffany's necklace when I was younger? This is such bullshit. I will never adjust to having siblings. Or rather, I will never adjust to my siblings having much more than I did/do. Spoiled rotten brats (myself included in that one)
Nora and I want to go see a show next week, get drunk, and have an all-around good time. I miss good times. What the hell am I getting so nostalgic over. Pretend like the last two sentences were never in here.
I'm listening to 90s club kid songs. I feel like a loser. I love dancing, deal with it.
I gave up on my sewing machine last week, sucks that I bought all this fabric. It's such nice fabric too. I hate technology.
I'm getting a gold chain for easter... holla!
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
neon bible
For me, it's the week of the neon bible. I'm really loving it. I downloaded the entire album yesterday. Oh, I'm really loving it. I'll leave you with some of my favorite quotes/paragraphs from a book I like.
"Oh it's lovely to see you!" Franny said as the cab moved off. "I've missed you." The words were no sooner out than she realized that she didn't mean them at all. Again with guilt, she took Lane's hand and tightly, warmly laced fingers with him.
Franny nodded solemnly. She was looking at a little warm blotch of sunshine, about the size of a poker chip, on the tablecloth. "I had to strain to write it," she said.
She tipped her ashes. "I'm just so sick of pedants and conceited little tearer-downers I could scream." She looked at Lane. "I'm sorry. I'll stop. I give you my word... It's just that if I'd had any guts at all, I wouldn't have gone back to college at all this year. I don't know. I mean it's all the most incredible farce."
"Brilliant. That's really brilliant." Franny took the sarcasm as her due. "I'm sorry," she said.
"Stop saying you're sorry- do you mind? I don't supposed it's occurred to you that you're making one helluva sweeping generalization..."
"I know this much, is all," Franny said. "If you're a poet, you do something beautiful. I mean, you're supposed to leave something beautiful after you get off the page and everything. The ones you're talking about don't leave a single, solitary thing beautiful. All that maybe the slightly better ones do is sort of get inside your head and leave something there, but just because they do, just because they know how to leave something, it doesn't have to be a poem, for heaven's sake. It may just be some kind of terribly fascinating, syntaxy droppings- excuse the expression."
"I do like him. I'm sick of just liking people. I wish to god I could meet somebody I could respect.. Would you excuse me for just a minute?" Franny was suddenly on her feet, with her handbag in her hand. She was very pale.
Without any apparent regard to the suchness of her environment, she sat down. She brought her knees together very firmly, as if to make herself a smaller, more compact unit. Then she placed her hands, vertically, over her eyes and pressed the heels hard, as though to paralyze the optic nerve and drown all images into a voidlike black. Her extended fingers, though trembling, or because they were trembling, looked oddly graceful and pretty. She held that tense, almost fetal position for a suspensory moment-- then broke down. She cried for fully five minutes. She cried without trying to suppress any of the noisier manifestations of grief and confusion, with all the convulsive throat sounds that a hysterical child makes when the breath is trying to get up through a partly close epiglottis. And yet, when finally she stopped, she merely stopped, without the painful, knifelike intakes of breath that usually follow a violent outburst-inburst. When she stopped, it was as though some momentous change of polarity had taken place inside her mind, one that had an immediate, pacifying effect on her body.
My fingers are cold. There's much more that I wanted to put down. But my fingers are cold and it's getting late. I'll type in some more paragraphs tomorrow. I should get some sleep.
"Oh it's lovely to see you!" Franny said as the cab moved off. "I've missed you." The words were no sooner out than she realized that she didn't mean them at all. Again with guilt, she took Lane's hand and tightly, warmly laced fingers with him.
Franny nodded solemnly. She was looking at a little warm blotch of sunshine, about the size of a poker chip, on the tablecloth. "I had to strain to write it," she said.
She tipped her ashes. "I'm just so sick of pedants and conceited little tearer-downers I could scream." She looked at Lane. "I'm sorry. I'll stop. I give you my word... It's just that if I'd had any guts at all, I wouldn't have gone back to college at all this year. I don't know. I mean it's all the most incredible farce."
"Brilliant. That's really brilliant." Franny took the sarcasm as her due. "I'm sorry," she said.
"Stop saying you're sorry- do you mind? I don't supposed it's occurred to you that you're making one helluva sweeping generalization..."
"I know this much, is all," Franny said. "If you're a poet, you do something beautiful. I mean, you're supposed to leave something beautiful after you get off the page and everything. The ones you're talking about don't leave a single, solitary thing beautiful. All that maybe the slightly better ones do is sort of get inside your head and leave something there, but just because they do, just because they know how to leave something, it doesn't have to be a poem, for heaven's sake. It may just be some kind of terribly fascinating, syntaxy droppings- excuse the expression."
"I do like him. I'm sick of just liking people. I wish to god I could meet somebody I could respect.. Would you excuse me for just a minute?" Franny was suddenly on her feet, with her handbag in her hand. She was very pale.
Without any apparent regard to the suchness of her environment, she sat down. She brought her knees together very firmly, as if to make herself a smaller, more compact unit. Then she placed her hands, vertically, over her eyes and pressed the heels hard, as though to paralyze the optic nerve and drown all images into a voidlike black. Her extended fingers, though trembling, or because they were trembling, looked oddly graceful and pretty. She held that tense, almost fetal position for a suspensory moment-- then broke down. She cried for fully five minutes. She cried without trying to suppress any of the noisier manifestations of grief and confusion, with all the convulsive throat sounds that a hysterical child makes when the breath is trying to get up through a partly close epiglottis. And yet, when finally she stopped, she merely stopped, without the painful, knifelike intakes of breath that usually follow a violent outburst-inburst. When she stopped, it was as though some momentous change of polarity had taken place inside her mind, one that had an immediate, pacifying effect on her body.
My fingers are cold. There's much more that I wanted to put down. But my fingers are cold and it's getting late. I'll type in some more paragraphs tomorrow. I should get some sleep.
Friday, March 16, 2007
shining star
yo, i'm totally loving the new jtimb/nellyfurtado/timbaland song. IT'S SO GOOD.
soooo tomorrow my lay-zee @$$ is going to apply for a job with nora.
I realized this week, that I have neverrrr gotten a job on my own.
#1, Meadows School (Sept 2003-June 2005). Rutherford, NJ.
My mom had the connection. And also forced me to get a job OR ELSE. or else what.. I don't know, but I probably cried and hoped lightning would strike her on my first day.
hourly rate (FOR TWO YEARS)= $5.00 (bullshit)
#2, Cheesecake Factory (Sept 2005-October 2005). White Plains, NY.
My friends + I from school went to go get jobs. Five of us went in, three of us got jobs. I stopped showing up after a month, although I got really good paychecks.
hourly rate= $9.00
#3, Houlihans (June 2006 - Present). Hasbrouck Heights, NJ.
I fucking hate working in the food industry. My philosophy on life is that everyone should work in a restaurant at least once before they die. Just so they know how painful it is, and TO NOT GIVE THEIR HOSTESSES ATTITUDES OR LEAVE SERVERS BAD TIPS, I HATE YOU CHEAP BASTARDS. Brielle got me this job. I actually like it... kinda...
hourly rate= $8.00 then I got a raise to $8.75!!! hahaha
Hopefully I will be adding h&m to this list.
We'll see how this goes.
Tomorrow's forecast is snow. And doctors and scientists wonder why people get pneumonia, among other cold-like ailments. GLOBAL WARMING PEOPLE! START BEING MORE ENVIRONMENTALLY CONSCIOUS!
I guess I should follow that advice as well.
Damn, I just love disco. I can't get enough earth, wind, and fire. oooo yummy!
peace + love!
soooo tomorrow my lay-zee @$$ is going to apply for a job with nora.
I realized this week, that I have neverrrr gotten a job on my own.
#1, Meadows School (Sept 2003-June 2005). Rutherford, NJ.
My mom had the connection. And also forced me to get a job OR ELSE. or else what.. I don't know, but I probably cried and hoped lightning would strike her on my first day.
hourly rate (FOR TWO YEARS)= $5.00 (bullshit)
#2, Cheesecake Factory (Sept 2005-October 2005). White Plains, NY.
My friends + I from school went to go get jobs. Five of us went in, three of us got jobs. I stopped showing up after a month, although I got really good paychecks.
hourly rate= $9.00
#3, Houlihans (June 2006 - Present). Hasbrouck Heights, NJ.
I fucking hate working in the food industry. My philosophy on life is that everyone should work in a restaurant at least once before they die. Just so they know how painful it is, and TO NOT GIVE THEIR HOSTESSES ATTITUDES OR LEAVE SERVERS BAD TIPS, I HATE YOU CHEAP BASTARDS. Brielle got me this job. I actually like it... kinda...
hourly rate= $8.00 then I got a raise to $8.75!!! hahaha
Hopefully I will be adding h&m to this list.
We'll see how this goes.
Tomorrow's forecast is snow. And doctors and scientists wonder why people get pneumonia, among other cold-like ailments. GLOBAL WARMING PEOPLE! START BEING MORE ENVIRONMENTALLY CONSCIOUS!
I guess I should follow that advice as well.
Damn, I just love disco. I can't get enough earth, wind, and fire. oooo yummy!
peace + love!
Tuesday, March 6, 2007
broken glass
I had the third dream since New Years' about my teeth breaking. Not rotting or getting cavities, but them actually breaking.
The first dream- an old couple (fat italian looking woman and skinny man) put a crow bar inside my mouth and ripped out my teeth, which then ended up feeling/looking like shards of broken glass.
second dream- can't really remember, but it was very similar
last night's dream- the last molar in my mouth had broken in half and i could see the inside of my tooth, and in my gum there was a dark purple spot where the piece had once gone. but i couldn't really look at it cause it was all the way in the back of my mouth.
what the fuck is going on here?
can someone tell me?
i'm a loser that goes to those dream interpretation sites all the time, they say that i'm hiding a secret that i want to tell the world, some shit like that.
but really, i'm almost positive i'm not hiding anything from everyone.
jeezus. i hate reoccuring dreams. this used to happen to me all the time when i was younger.
The first dream- an old couple (fat italian looking woman and skinny man) put a crow bar inside my mouth and ripped out my teeth, which then ended up feeling/looking like shards of broken glass.
second dream- can't really remember, but it was very similar
last night's dream- the last molar in my mouth had broken in half and i could see the inside of my tooth, and in my gum there was a dark purple spot where the piece had once gone. but i couldn't really look at it cause it was all the way in the back of my mouth.
what the fuck is going on here?
can someone tell me?
i'm a loser that goes to those dream interpretation sites all the time, they say that i'm hiding a secret that i want to tell the world, some shit like that.
but really, i'm almost positive i'm not hiding anything from everyone.
jeezus. i hate reoccuring dreams. this used to happen to me all the time when i was younger.
Sunday, March 4, 2007
infinite sadness
last night i lost the best valentine's day gift I had ever received.
if anyone finds a gold ring with like a black stone in the middle, please let me know.
it was so dear to my heart.
i found it on the stairs in front of my house on valentine's day (night) after sholving snow. it was meant to be. i love that ring. :((((((((((((((((((((((((((
if anyone finds a gold ring with like a black stone in the middle, please let me know.
it was so dear to my heart.
i found it on the stairs in front of my house on valentine's day (night) after sholving snow. it was meant to be. i love that ring. :((((((((((((((((((((((((((
Thursday, March 1, 2007
two parts of a whole
most days i don't really feel right. today i don't feel right. i started the day very well. i had gotten a very good sleep last night, a full 12 hours. i went to sleep early. it was a beautiful day, too. i kept getting my shoes stuck in mud. then tonight i skipped class, and drove to hoboken, and i guess that's when i started not to feel so well. no, actually i'm lying. i didn't feel well before that. i bought some clothes today in an impulse. i think i have a shopping problem, yes. some people like to eat to cope with whatever their problem of the day is. well, i like to eat and shop. which yields bigger problems. me being fat -> me needing to buy more clothes since i can't fit in any. i guess i should quit my impulsive behaviors, it would be a lot better for myself.
"The second time I meant, To last it out and not come back at all. I rocked shut,
As a seashell. They had to call and call, And pick the worms off me like sticky pearls.
Dying
Is and art, like everything else. I do it exceptionally well.
I do it so it feels like hell. I do it so it feels real. I guess you could say I've a call.
It's easy enough to do it in a cell. It's easy enough to do it and stay put. It's the theatrical.
Comeback in broad day, To the same place, the same face, the same brute, Amused shout:
'A miracle!' That knocks me out. There is a charge
For the eyeing my scars, there is a charge, For the hearing of my heart--- It really goes..."
"I am your opus, I am your valuable, The pure gold baby
That melts to a shriek. I turn and burn. Do not think I underestimate your great concern.
Ash, Ash--- You poke and stir. Flesh, bone, there is nothing there---
A cake of soap, A wedding ring, A gold filling.
Herr god, Herr lucifer, Beware, Beware.
Out of the ash, I rise with my red hair, And I eat men like air."
I don't feel so good. most of the time. I really feel like I'm losing touch with everyone. I feel like that all the time though. I go through these miniature breakdowns quite often. I'm often found reevaluating my life, here in my basement.
I got rid of a lot of negative influences (people, places, things, nouns) in my life. I thought that would help me out with a lot of things. It did, I guess. I really have nothing to say in here, cause I don't want to say anything to you people reading this. It's not personal, it's just the way I am. I don't really like anyone knowing how I feel about things. sorry.
I hope you all have a good night and a good weekend.
The end.
"The second time I meant, To last it out and not come back at all. I rocked shut,
As a seashell. They had to call and call, And pick the worms off me like sticky pearls.
Dying
Is and art, like everything else. I do it exceptionally well.
I do it so it feels like hell. I do it so it feels real. I guess you could say I've a call.
It's easy enough to do it in a cell. It's easy enough to do it and stay put. It's the theatrical.
Comeback in broad day, To the same place, the same face, the same brute, Amused shout:
'A miracle!' That knocks me out. There is a charge
For the eyeing my scars, there is a charge, For the hearing of my heart--- It really goes..."
"I am your opus, I am your valuable, The pure gold baby
That melts to a shriek. I turn and burn. Do not think I underestimate your great concern.
Ash, Ash--- You poke and stir. Flesh, bone, there is nothing there---
A cake of soap, A wedding ring, A gold filling.
Herr god, Herr lucifer, Beware, Beware.
Out of the ash, I rise with my red hair, And I eat men like air."
I don't feel so good. most of the time. I really feel like I'm losing touch with everyone. I feel like that all the time though. I go through these miniature breakdowns quite often. I'm often found reevaluating my life, here in my basement.
I got rid of a lot of negative influences (people, places, things, nouns) in my life. I thought that would help me out with a lot of things. It did, I guess. I really have nothing to say in here, cause I don't want to say anything to you people reading this. It's not personal, it's just the way I am. I don't really like anyone knowing how I feel about things. sorry.
I hope you all have a good night and a good weekend.
The end.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
