tropical islands

Tomorrow I leave for the Dominican Republic.

I haven't been on a plane since Cancun (circa 2002). I'm a little nervous. That's the last time I was invited on a family vacation. BASTARDS.
I have an uneasy feeling. I think I'm going to be eaten by a shark. I know, I'm crazy. And I also know, that although I've had many summers at the Jersey Shore, I've never feared sharks before (despite the well-publicized shark attacks that happened during the 40's. Yeah, I want to say that's the decade.)
All I've been thinking about is how I'm either going to die in a plane crash or get eaten by a shark. I remember the first time I was on a plane, when I was 7, I had a horrible ear-ache during landing. I can remember myself screaming in pain, and I was a pretty quiet and reserved child. At least alone I was. Now at 22, if I were to see a child like that, screaming on a landing, I'd probably slap it. I never realized until recently how much I hate children.
I hate how my brother's 10 year old friends come to my house, raid my fridge, drop popcorn all over the floor, and think how it'd be such a smarter idea to eat it up off the ground instead of asking for help to clean it up.
I FUCKING HATE CHILDREN. OMG.
Thank GOD I'LL be away from little runts for at least a few days.

Speaking of death (via shark/plane), me and the bitches were talking today about how we'd like to die. And honestly, if I had to choose between dying spontaneous versus being ill for a long time and eventually dying of some horrible disease, well, I'd choose spontaneous death. And I know that sounds like an obvious choice for anyone. But let's say on the way home from my trip to D.R., my plane crashes. Well, in a way, I'd be happier with that ending, than dying of cancer 40 years from now.
When I die, I don't want to know that it's happening. I don't want to be like the people in my family who struggle for months trying to beat a disease, only to lose. I'd so much rather die without being able to think about it. I don't want to think of my death. I don't want to be bed-ridden for months thinking about when my time will come and what will happen to me after that time comes. Cause, to be honest, I don't think anything happens when you die. I think that you die and that's all there is, and that's actually quite miserable.
I know you're supposed to make the most of the time you have on earth or whatever, but it's depressing to think that I'll die and all I'll have after my death are the memories that other people will have of me. That's what I think happens. When we die, that's it. That's our life. Do we remember what happens before we are born? No, because we don't exist. And will we remember what happens to us after we die? No, because we don't exist.
It's sad, I know, but maybe that's more of a reason for all of us to go out and live our lives the way we truly want to.
Maybe I'm too idealistic.
Whatever.

See you guys when I get back! <3333