it sucks to be a server.

Okay, I love everyone I work with, really I do (except for like 4 of you, but no one likes you either so you're almost non-existant) and I didn't mind going into work on Christmas Eve, because I'm hoping that maybe that means I won't have to work NYE. And I was hoping to get a lot of pity tips.
WHICH DID NOT HAPPEN.
I worked from 4 to 9. I had four tables. I made TEN DOLLARS. TEN DOLLARS. and for all you people out there that think we get paychecks so it evens out, WELL WE DON'T, SO THAT MEANS, I MADE EXACTLY 2 DOLLARS AN HOUR PUTTING UP WITH BULLSHIT.

Open letter to my last table tonight....
You came in 50 minutes before closing, I wanted one last table, so I took you and gave you the benefit of the doubt. You were the last table in the entire restaurant. You didn't ask for refills and you got only one course, a table that I thought would pity me. 3 adults (parent looking types) and one teenager (probably their son, or NOW more likely their slave, i feel for you child). You guys looked like you could afford to leave a decent tip, and well IF YOU CAN'T DON'T GO OUT TO EAT, MAKE YOUR OWN FOOD YOURSELVES YOU BASTARDS. I hope you know that one of our entrees is like 1000 calories, and I hope that you are unable to lose the weight, some how continue to gain weight cos of this, and fall into a downward spiral of obesity.
Oh and the woman at the table, you got a dessert to go, probably realizing that we were trying to close and you were keeping everyone there. How kind of you, I put extra caramel on your cake because your fat ass wanted extra, I SHOULD HAVE vomitted in a to-go container, wrapped it up, and gave it to you. I regret not doing that.
Your bill was 60$.
I knew the minute you wanted to put half on credit and paid the rest in cash that I was fucked.
And I was.
On a 60 dollar check, you left me FIVE DOLLARS. wow thanks. I guess since gas prices have dropped, you believe that's a decent tip.
THATS NOT EVEN 10 PERCENT. YOU SLIMY BASTARDS.
I hope you get into a car accident tonight when you're drunk and die.
Really, I've never wished that on anyone, but you just crossed the line.
IT'S CHRISTMAS EVE, YOU ARE MY LAST TABLE, AND YOU LEAVE ME AN 8 PERCENT TIP. FUCK you.

sincerely,
your server at houlihans in hasbrouck heights.



If you are read this and you are like the above said people,
we will spit in your food, or drop your burgers on the ground.
BECAUSE IF YOU'RE TOO CHEAP AND DISGUSTING TO LEAVE A DECENT TIP, YOU SHOULD STAY HOME.
Don't sit at our tables for two hours and leave less than 15%. Really, you shouldn't even leave less than 18%. If you were a DECENT HUMAN you wouldn't.
If I know you, and you are one of those types of people, I'm secretly ashamed to know you. You are an embarrassment to everyone you know. The minute you leave a shitty tip, you are a shitty person.
Don't say because I ask IF YOU NEED CHANGE that I'm trying to rip you off or try to get a bigger tip. I'm just asking if you need change, there are no alterior motives behind this. Obviously, if you put cash in a check presenter, I will ask if you need change. Duh. Hello? Is your brain leaking?
No matter how kind and polite you may be, that isn't an excuse to leave a bad tip.
You will have bad karma if you do this. Understand that.

Besides my little rant, everyone at work- I love you, and thanks for making today a shitshow.
Everyone outside of work- I love you too.

Happy Christmas everyone, and to all my Jewish friends- Happy Hannukah.

pt 2.

Oh I forgot to add, this redken stuff that I put in my hair that's supposed to help distressed dead ends looks EXACTLY LIKE semen. It even has the same consistency, I've yet to swallow some of it, but when I do I'll let you know how the taste test goes.
Interesting, huh?

I just bought black sparkly nail polish.

I really love punk rock.
I want to be a punk rock girl and listen to the damned, the buzzcocks, fugazi, and the misfits every day!!!!
I want to have blue hair and a nose hoop and wear big fucking bad ass lime green doc martens. (ya no commas!)

those would be cool too.
Hey everyone guess what?
I completed this semester!
I didn't drop out and I'm pretty sure I did good on my finals, mom and dad will be SO PROUD. not.
I wish I was ballsy enough to be a punk rock girl. One day maybe I'll do it. I can't get kicked out of my house yet cause I don't have enough money to live on my own, but once I move to philly maybe I'll do it. (if i dye my hair blue I'm quite certain mother will throw my ass to the curb)
Mom's taking away my credit card.
Oh debt, you love my generation so much.
Didn't the fed just lower interest rates? I hope they did, maybe credit card companies will stop being such slimy bastards now.

i love you all, have a good weekend.