a letter to my parents about me running away to philadelphia.
they never got this letter since I ended up telling them about my plan the day before I left.
(this is undated, but it's sometime between the last week of may and the first week of june)
The only reason I'm writing this is so you guys don't worry. Although, maybe that line wasn't the best opening statement.
I'll be gone for a little while. I need some time off. Sometime away from everything and everyone. This is a good thing for me. I need this. I need a break before I lose my mind, if I haven't already. Please don't call me.
I'll call you when I get to my destination. I'm still not sure where that is though. It's just like any other trip I'll take, except you guys can't know the details. I'm not telling my friends either, so don't feel left out. If I'm not home tonight or tomorrow I'll be home by Friday night so I can do my laundry for work. I'm not going on some crazy drug binge either, cause I know you're probably thinking that.
Recently I've really fallen into a funk and I need some recooperating. I need to build up my mental immune system, I need a clean slate, and I need to be away from everything I'm so attached to. I've worn myself thin. I'm stressing myself out.
I'm pretty sure of where I'm going actually. And I know someone there, I figure they can help me around.
Just please don't fret about me, I'm going to be perfectly fine, and if I won't be, then I'll call you. I'm sorry that you have my basket case ass for a daughter.
I love you all, you're the best.
Don't worry about me, I'm an adult, and I'm tough, and I carry mase.
Sincerely,
Samantha Jean McAndrew
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
first entry: a 2005 diary excerpt.
the bold print is commentary in the present tense. the regular print is shit that i actually wrote. i was and still are incredibly lame.
november 16th, 2005
"to be written in the style of bridget jones"
(this is during my b.j. obsession, and please, no blow job references to that)
weight; unsure, approximately 122 (ugh). alcohol units: 0. cigarettes: 2. blunts/bongs/etc; 0. boyfriends; ZERO!!!
(i can't believe that 2 and a half years ago i was scoffing at being 122 lbs. IF ONLY I COULD BE THAT AGAIN).
... i'm on the search for my own personal Mark Darcy AND despite my newly single status, I already have to deal with love interests and the like. Well for one, before will remain nameless and I officially completely ended things, will remain nameless#2 and I hooked up. I slept over, you get my drift. NO FUNNY BUSINESS WENT ON, this is truth. Soon after I ended things with nameless #1, I realized how much I'd rather be single.
Then I almost talked to beautiful prominent nose boy (yes, this was a nickname for a crush of mine that i had away at school that i was too scared to talk to) the other night, but things were awkward. So I've officially had my first school girl crush since middle school. I can't even speak around this boy, I get so nervous. We should just both TALK!!!!!
Anyways, I've also got a little crush on nameless#3. We're hanging out together over Thanksgiving break, we'll see what happens there.
(some more stuff about nameless#2 and then..) Also, forgot to mention, I hooked up with some asshole here who thinks he's hot shit. Waste of time.
It feels like sophomore year again. I love being a singleton and thoroughly love all my interests.
I hope things work out with beautiful boy here though. I need a picture of him. I haven't seen him today :(. I'm in love!!
(about april/may my crush and i finally talked despite months of exchanged glances whilst on campus, which was the most awkward moment of my life. neither of us could say anything, and we were totally acting like little children with crushes on strangers. i don't remember much about it, except exchanging names and my stomach flip flopping)
That was me inviting you all into the brain of my 19 year old self. I hope you found it as interesting/naive/stupid as I did.
_________________________________________________________
november 16th, 2005
"to be written in the style of bridget jones"
(this is during my b.j. obsession, and please, no blow job references to that)
weight; unsure, approximately 122 (ugh). alcohol units: 0. cigarettes: 2. blunts/bongs/etc; 0. boyfriends; ZERO!!!
(i can't believe that 2 and a half years ago i was scoffing at being 122 lbs. IF ONLY I COULD BE THAT AGAIN).
... i'm on the search for my own personal Mark Darcy AND despite my newly single status, I already have to deal with love interests and the like. Well for one, before will remain nameless and I officially completely ended things, will remain nameless#2 and I hooked up. I slept over, you get my drift. NO FUNNY BUSINESS WENT ON, this is truth. Soon after I ended things with nameless #1, I realized how much I'd rather be single.
Then I almost talked to beautiful prominent nose boy (yes, this was a nickname for a crush of mine that i had away at school that i was too scared to talk to) the other night, but things were awkward. So I've officially had my first school girl crush since middle school. I can't even speak around this boy, I get so nervous. We should just both TALK!!!!!
Anyways, I've also got a little crush on nameless#3. We're hanging out together over Thanksgiving break, we'll see what happens there.
(some more stuff about nameless#2 and then..) Also, forgot to mention, I hooked up with some asshole here who thinks he's hot shit. Waste of time.
It feels like sophomore year again. I love being a singleton and thoroughly love all my interests.
I hope things work out with beautiful boy here though. I need a picture of him. I haven't seen him today :(. I'm in love!!
(about april/may my crush and i finally talked despite months of exchanged glances whilst on campus, which was the most awkward moment of my life. neither of us could say anything, and we were totally acting like little children with crushes on strangers. i don't remember much about it, except exchanging names and my stomach flip flopping)
That was me inviting you all into the brain of my 19 year old self. I hope you found it as interesting/naive/stupid as I did.
_________________________________________________________
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