dear ashley

for now on, instead of writing dear diary, or dear blog, i'm going to write "Dear ashley". all in honor of the little journal entry i left in her notebook yesterday. and when i do write my "dear ashley" entries, they will be entries with no point and will be completely random. you (the public) do not know what i wrote in her notebook, but it was sick and about global warming, cheese, wax figurines, armeggedon, and 2009.

dear ashley,
today i went to haledon with nora. you missed that, cause your loser ass got mono from exchanging mouthpieces with your fellow wrestlers. didn't your mother ever tell you to never share drinks with people? well, i know that my mother did, simply cause she's nuts. she also told me to never use public bathrooms, and my first encounter with a public bathroom was mortifying. i was in kindergarten, and i was scared to use the bathroom cause my mom had messed me up so badly so i had to be sent home cause i was "sick". all this happened just cause i wanted to pee. now i pee WHEREVER I WANT!
meaning; i pee in memorial field, i pee behind danpuz's garage, i pee at tamblyn, once brielle was afraid to pee alone on union ave so i peed with her, i pee with my friends, I PEED ON AMANDA. thats the truth, it wasn't sexual at all.
so tomorrow I'm going fish walking. I walk fish for a few people twice weekly. If you want me to walk your fish I will, but twice a week = $40, and three times a week = $60. Sorry, I'm just the most professional fish walker around. I throw them in my own personal circular fish bowl, filled with fiji water, only the best, give them prada bathrobes, and fancy feast fish food. Then for 40$ a week they get 30 minute walk arounds, to the most glorious places on earth. Kilimanjaro, Madagascar, Tibet, Grand Canyon, Alaska, you get the picture. If you'd like the "city package" that will cost a little more, I'll take your fish on a bike through new york city visiting china town, harlem, + all the biggest attractions. Maybe a little swim at coney island if he/she is up for it. Then a lunch at bungalow 8, with a few drinks as well. The only way fish can drink liquor though is through needles, so I hope if your fish is an alcoholic, that they won't have a problem handling needles.
Make sure you trust your fish. If your fish has been acting weird, stealing money, and has "alcohol needles", be careful, your fish might really be having a heroin problem, just keep an eye out for those symptoms cause fish rehabilitation clinics have increased their fees by 66% in recent months.
well ashley, i must go, I hope you consider buying a goldfish and allowing me to take walks with it. Just so that way I make money from doing absolutely nothing, and your ass will be broke.