two posts in the past 20 minutes

sorry, but i need to write another.



i don't even know what i need to write here. i hope no one reads this, except for hannah, only because shes the last person who commented me in the past like 5 months. miss you girl!! ps. lets get together soon and happy birthday. i hope you read this or else ill feel really dumb. also, when are you done with school? once again, if you don't read this anytime soon, i'll feel really stupid lol.
i've been drinking... nothing unusual, but i'll use that as an excuse.
i'm on the south beach diet and i'm not supposed to be drinking alcohol... but honestly, how am i supposed to function in a social setting without alcohol?
I dont know!
which is why i'm going to continue to drink, but i guess be stricter with everything else.
i saw andrew today, it made me so happy, i miss that boy. he's a graduate now, i'm so proud, he's like a real adult. also, andrew sorry for pinching you tonight, i just have these impulsive little reactions to people that i can't control.

i'm impulsive.
i'm also petrified of relationships of all kinds. i feel like i always push people away. i always push people away. i'm afraid to tell the people i'm closest to how i feel. i dont even know how to put into words what i mean. well, i do, but i just don't want to say that much. i don't want to pour out my entire emotional contents into the "blogosphere".
when i'm feeling down, nina simone makes me feel better, even if its a sad song.
i like sad songs, and sad movies, and sad books.
if i were a stranger reading this blog i'd hate me. how do people associate with me?
i'm on the fence about a few things. i'm not sure about anything, but i am sure that i have to apply to school and go up to purchase this week so i can get my transcripts. i haven't made the ride across the tappan zee in so long.
i'm feeling much better now then when i first started writing this blog, but maybe it's cause i'm fucked up, or because this pain in my bladder/uterus is diverting my attention.