I had a dream the other night about myself being in a plane crash.
I woke up gasping right before the plane would've "crashed."
This got me thinking.
I've never died in a dream.
And I wonder if anyone else has, if you're reading this, and you have, let me know. Explain the situation, too.
Like I'm pretty sure I've been dead in a dream, but I'm not sure if I've ever experience the act of dying.
I wonder why though. Like, is there a dream heaven? And if so, does that mean there's a real "heaven"? It got me thinking, cause dreams are so other worldly.
So if you can die in a dream and transcend to dream heaven, would that then mean that there's a real heaven?
I'm definately looking way too far into this, but it's a legit question.
Maybe that's why I can never die in my dreams, cause then I'll know the whole mystery of death.
Why else can't I die in my dreams?
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Thursday, June 18, 2009
tropical islands
Tomorrow I leave for the Dominican Republic.
I haven't been on a plane since Cancun (circa 2002). I'm a little nervous. That's the last time I was invited on a family vacation. BASTARDS.
I have an uneasy feeling. I think I'm going to be eaten by a shark. I know, I'm crazy. And I also know, that although I've had many summers at the Jersey Shore, I've never feared sharks before (despite the well-publicized shark attacks that happened during the 40's. Yeah, I want to say that's the decade.)
All I've been thinking about is how I'm either going to die in a plane crash or get eaten by a shark. I remember the first time I was on a plane, when I was 7, I had a horrible ear-ache during landing. I can remember myself screaming in pain, and I was a pretty quiet and reserved child. At least alone I was. Now at 22, if I were to see a child like that, screaming on a landing, I'd probably slap it. I never realized until recently how much I hate children.
I hate how my brother's 10 year old friends come to my house, raid my fridge, drop popcorn all over the floor, and think how it'd be such a smarter idea to eat it up off the ground instead of asking for help to clean it up.
I FUCKING HATE CHILDREN. OMG.
Thank GOD I'LL be away from little runts for at least a few days.
Speaking of death (via shark/plane), me and the bitches were talking today about how we'd like to die. And honestly, if I had to choose between dying spontaneous versus being ill for a long time and eventually dying of some horrible disease, well, I'd choose spontaneous death. And I know that sounds like an obvious choice for anyone. But let's say on the way home from my trip to D.R., my plane crashes. Well, in a way, I'd be happier with that ending, than dying of cancer 40 years from now.
When I die, I don't want to know that it's happening. I don't want to be like the people in my family who struggle for months trying to beat a disease, only to lose. I'd so much rather die without being able to think about it. I don't want to think of my death. I don't want to be bed-ridden for months thinking about when my time will come and what will happen to me after that time comes. Cause, to be honest, I don't think anything happens when you die. I think that you die and that's all there is, and that's actually quite miserable.
I know you're supposed to make the most of the time you have on earth or whatever, but it's depressing to think that I'll die and all I'll have after my death are the memories that other people will have of me. That's what I think happens. When we die, that's it. That's our life. Do we remember what happens before we are born? No, because we don't exist. And will we remember what happens to us after we die? No, because we don't exist.
It's sad, I know, but maybe that's more of a reason for all of us to go out and live our lives the way we truly want to.
Maybe I'm too idealistic.
Whatever.
See you guys when I get back! <3333
I haven't been on a plane since Cancun (circa 2002). I'm a little nervous. That's the last time I was invited on a family vacation. BASTARDS.
I have an uneasy feeling. I think I'm going to be eaten by a shark. I know, I'm crazy. And I also know, that although I've had many summers at the Jersey Shore, I've never feared sharks before (despite the well-publicized shark attacks that happened during the 40's. Yeah, I want to say that's the decade.)
All I've been thinking about is how I'm either going to die in a plane crash or get eaten by a shark. I remember the first time I was on a plane, when I was 7, I had a horrible ear-ache during landing. I can remember myself screaming in pain, and I was a pretty quiet and reserved child. At least alone I was. Now at 22, if I were to see a child like that, screaming on a landing, I'd probably slap it. I never realized until recently how much I hate children.
I hate how my brother's 10 year old friends come to my house, raid my fridge, drop popcorn all over the floor, and think how it'd be such a smarter idea to eat it up off the ground instead of asking for help to clean it up.
I FUCKING HATE CHILDREN. OMG.
Thank GOD I'LL be away from little runts for at least a few days.
Speaking of death (via shark/plane), me and the bitches were talking today about how we'd like to die. And honestly, if I had to choose between dying spontaneous versus being ill for a long time and eventually dying of some horrible disease, well, I'd choose spontaneous death. And I know that sounds like an obvious choice for anyone. But let's say on the way home from my trip to D.R., my plane crashes. Well, in a way, I'd be happier with that ending, than dying of cancer 40 years from now.
When I die, I don't want to know that it's happening. I don't want to be like the people in my family who struggle for months trying to beat a disease, only to lose. I'd so much rather die without being able to think about it. I don't want to think of my death. I don't want to be bed-ridden for months thinking about when my time will come and what will happen to me after that time comes. Cause, to be honest, I don't think anything happens when you die. I think that you die and that's all there is, and that's actually quite miserable.
I know you're supposed to make the most of the time you have on earth or whatever, but it's depressing to think that I'll die and all I'll have after my death are the memories that other people will have of me. That's what I think happens. When we die, that's it. That's our life. Do we remember what happens before we are born? No, because we don't exist. And will we remember what happens to us after we die? No, because we don't exist.
It's sad, I know, but maybe that's more of a reason for all of us to go out and live our lives the way we truly want to.
Maybe I'm too idealistic.
Whatever.
See you guys when I get back! <3333
Friday, May 29, 2009
neglect.
I've been neglecting this blogspot, but don't worry, due to current stress-ors I can blog all night and into the morning.
First, I love listening to Amy Winehouse. But only Back to Black, her other ep's I wasn't too fond of, Back to Black is SOOO genius. LOVES IT, way too much.
Secondly, I can not deal with all this pressure.
I can not deal with my parents trying to shove me out the door although I can barely make my $150 month car payments.
I can not deal with not having enough money to pay my NUMEROUS parking tickets.
I can not deal with not being able to pay for my Dominican Republic trip that I owe my mother for.
I can't pay my credit card bill which is only less than 100, but I still can't even scramble to find that much money.
I can't ask moms because a) she's cheap, and b) she's probably making less money than I am right now.
I can't pay my car bill because I have zero dollars in my wallet and I'm only working Saturday night this weekend, and Sunday morning, and I can't find any other shifts.
So a quick summary of that is, I can't afford the lifestyle I lead with semi-new clothes, a new car, and a tropical paradise type vacation (even if I'm paying less than 1/3 of the trip), and unless I start making 1,000 dollars a month, I also can't afford to move out.
I'd consider hanging myself in my bedroom right now, but I have one of those basement boxed ceilings which would just crumble under my weight, sooooo even that wouldn't work out for me.
WHERE IS MY FUCKING TAX CHECK!?!?!?
CAN I GET A FUCKING BREAK? SOMEWHERE?
ONE GOOD THING- I don't think I'm on academic suspension. I *fingers crossed* got a 2.0 this semester, so I'll be able to take classes next semester.
dkljfagfkljq32tp
asdlyj09234ujytpiojqh
qhjkqw4tjhio5wi6o356pipo35i6upoi356iu356pouo4kjyuj4yu
"I don't understand,
why do I stress a man,
when there are so many weirder things at hand?
we could've never had it all,
we had to hit a wall,
so this is inevitable withdrawal.
even if I stop wanting you,
a perspective pushes through,
I'll be some next man's other woman soon."
I love A.W!!
First, I love listening to Amy Winehouse. But only Back to Black, her other ep's I wasn't too fond of, Back to Black is SOOO genius. LOVES IT, way too much.
Secondly, I can not deal with all this pressure.
I can not deal with my parents trying to shove me out the door although I can barely make my $150 month car payments.
I can not deal with not having enough money to pay my NUMEROUS parking tickets.
I can not deal with not being able to pay for my Dominican Republic trip that I owe my mother for.
I can't pay my credit card bill which is only less than 100, but I still can't even scramble to find that much money.
I can't ask moms because a) she's cheap, and b) she's probably making less money than I am right now.
I can't pay my car bill because I have zero dollars in my wallet and I'm only working Saturday night this weekend, and Sunday morning, and I can't find any other shifts.
So a quick summary of that is, I can't afford the lifestyle I lead with semi-new clothes, a new car, and a tropical paradise type vacation (even if I'm paying less than 1/3 of the trip), and unless I start making 1,000 dollars a month, I also can't afford to move out.
I'd consider hanging myself in my bedroom right now, but I have one of those basement boxed ceilings which would just crumble under my weight, sooooo even that wouldn't work out for me.
WHERE IS MY FUCKING TAX CHECK!?!?!?
CAN I GET A FUCKING BREAK? SOMEWHERE?
ONE GOOD THING- I don't think I'm on academic suspension. I *fingers crossed* got a 2.0 this semester, so I'll be able to take classes next semester.
dkljfagfkljq32tp
asdlyj09234ujytpiojqh
qhjkqw4tjhio5wi6o356pipo35i6upoi356iu356pouo4kjyuj4yu
"I don't understand,
why do I stress a man,
when there are so many weirder things at hand?
we could've never had it all,
we had to hit a wall,
so this is inevitable withdrawal.
even if I stop wanting you,
a perspective pushes through,
I'll be some next man's other woman soon."
I love A.W!!
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
typical.
I'm watching way too many cable reruns of Sex and the City and it really makes me want to be in a relationship so I can sleep with someone I'm comfortable with on a daily basis.
How hard is it to find someone?!
So I'm putting out a want-ad for such a person.
I think I'm onto something.
How hard is it to find someone?!
So I'm putting out a want-ad for such a person.
I think I'm onto something.
Friday, May 1, 2009
you know that i'm no good.
The Pros and Cons of Summer.
PROS.
1. Not having school, although, starting next summer, I'm not having any more seasonal breaks.
2. Trees are in full bloom. I like trees, what can I say?
3. Vacations, although I never really end up going anywhere. This summer is a different story though, THANK GOD.
4. Sleeping in and not feeling guilty for doing so.
5. Restaurants have outdoor seating, I love that.
6. Drinking in the afternoon. Doing it during the winter/fall just isn't that much fun.
7. BBQs. Kind of goes along with number 6, but not necessarily.
8. DRESSES. DUH.
9. Going out more.
10. Driving with the windows down. I love the wind.
11. Sidewalk chalk, enough said.
12. Not having to drive home drunk late at nights cause it's warm enough to walk home.
13. Dodgeball.
14. Getting drunk at the park. My fave pasttime.
CONS
1. SWEATING. ew, sweating. I don't think I hate anything more than sweating, it grosses me out, gives me the heebie jeebies, looking at sweaty people is gross. JDFAGKJGKLJ4OJT UGH.
2. 95+ weather. I don't enjoy heat stroke.
3. Bathing suits. FUCKING HATE bathing suits, I look like a beached whale, I don't want to be forced to go swimming at Amanda's pool cause everyone else is. I'm self conscious okay! jeezus.
4. Air conditioning. I actually don't really like it, but sometimes it's just too hot and you have to. I also hate the central air in my house because my basement is always freezing.
5. Not having school. I know, call me crazy, but I get bored sometimes.
6. Pollen, allergies, other lame shit like that.
7. Not being able to wear cute fall clothes/boots.
8. The rising price of gasoline during the summer months.
9. Summer thunderstorms can happen at any time and I don't like that. I don't enjoy leaving my house when it's raining, and in the summer- rain is just too spontaneous for me.
10. Goes along with number 9, frizzy hair, and then hearing people with pin straight hair bitch about having frizzy hair.
So with that said,
it's almost summer- yay!
My first finals start next Tuesday, and my last is the following Tuesday.
I have yet to tell my mother that I will not be taking summer classes because I'll probably be on academic suspension. Well, it's less like probably and more like definite.
Wish me luck!
Happy May Day!
PROS.
1. Not having school, although, starting next summer, I'm not having any more seasonal breaks.
2. Trees are in full bloom. I like trees, what can I say?
3. Vacations, although I never really end up going anywhere. This summer is a different story though, THANK GOD.
4. Sleeping in and not feeling guilty for doing so.
5. Restaurants have outdoor seating, I love that.
6. Drinking in the afternoon. Doing it during the winter/fall just isn't that much fun.
7. BBQs. Kind of goes along with number 6, but not necessarily.
8. DRESSES. DUH.
9. Going out more.
10. Driving with the windows down. I love the wind.
11. Sidewalk chalk, enough said.
12. Not having to drive home drunk late at nights cause it's warm enough to walk home.
13. Dodgeball.
14. Getting drunk at the park. My fave pasttime.
CONS
1. SWEATING. ew, sweating. I don't think I hate anything more than sweating, it grosses me out, gives me the heebie jeebies, looking at sweaty people is gross. JDFAGKJGKLJ4OJT UGH.
2. 95+ weather. I don't enjoy heat stroke.
3. Bathing suits. FUCKING HATE bathing suits, I look like a beached whale, I don't want to be forced to go swimming at Amanda's pool cause everyone else is. I'm self conscious okay! jeezus.
4. Air conditioning. I actually don't really like it, but sometimes it's just too hot and you have to. I also hate the central air in my house because my basement is always freezing.
5. Not having school. I know, call me crazy, but I get bored sometimes.
6. Pollen, allergies, other lame shit like that.
7. Not being able to wear cute fall clothes/boots.
8. The rising price of gasoline during the summer months.
9. Summer thunderstorms can happen at any time and I don't like that. I don't enjoy leaving my house when it's raining, and in the summer- rain is just too spontaneous for me.
10. Goes along with number 9, frizzy hair, and then hearing people with pin straight hair bitch about having frizzy hair.
So with that said,
it's almost summer- yay!
My first finals start next Tuesday, and my last is the following Tuesday.
I have yet to tell my mother that I will not be taking summer classes because I'll probably be on academic suspension. Well, it's less like probably and more like definite.
Wish me luck!
Happy May Day!
Saturday, April 18, 2009
articles.
http://news.aol.com/article/lottery-winner-charity/433871?icid=mainhp-laptopdl1link3http%3A%2F%2Fnews.aol.com%2Farticle%2Flottery-winner-charity%2F433871
A lottery winner who gave his winnings to charity.
People like that piss me off.
Cool, awesome, you donated to a charity and now I bet you feel like a better person.
But you're not, you're an ASSHOLE. You shouldn't play the lottery, you are taking away the odds of other people who actually want / need the money. You are a loser.
A lottery winner who gave his winnings to charity.
People like that piss me off.
Cool, awesome, you donated to a charity and now I bet you feel like a better person.
But you're not, you're an ASSHOLE. You shouldn't play the lottery, you are taking away the odds of other people who actually want / need the money. You are a loser.
wolf in sheep's clothing
The title is the story of my life.
One day I plan on writing a story. That's my life goal. To write a story, a good one. I've written some before but, I want longer ones. Something that doesn't end at 20 pages. I feel like I have an idea for a story too. Hooray!
This is useless.
A WOLF IN SHEEP'S CLOTHING. That is me to a T.
I had some strange dreams the other night, and since I wake up numerous times during the night, I happen to remember a lot of them.
The one I most vividly remember:
Me and a few of my co-workers planned on going to Europe this summer (I've been really antsy about going to europe and i plan on going this summer no matter what). But anyways, so that's the plan and me and a few of my co-workers decide to go, but none of us have money so we take a "raft". This raft really ends up being a few pieces of wood hammered together. Somehow this makeshift raft actually makes us to a destination after about 30 days at sea. Once we get to the mainland everyone is speaking French. And since we planned on going to Europe, it would only make sense that we landed on the coast of France, but some how we realized that we weren't in France. I don't know how we realized that instead of travelling across the Atlantic Ocean, we had only travelled northbound, and we landed in Montreal, which, obviously, there's a French speaking majority. Basically my dream is unfulfilled and I'm miserable in the end because we only moved a few hundred miles northbound, when the whole plan was to make it to Europe.
I know that this dream has something to deal with the fact that
I NEED TO GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE FOREVER.
OR AT LEAST
IF NOT FOREVER
JUST FOR A LITTLE WHILE
CAUSE I CAN'T FUCKING TAKE
SPENDING EVERY DAY IN THE SAME PLACE
FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.
With that said, if I can't find anyone to go to Barcelona with me this summer, I plan on staying at my family's house in Scotland for a few weeks cause I'M GOING CRAZY.
That's all I have to say.
Good night.
One day I plan on writing a story. That's my life goal. To write a story, a good one. I've written some before but, I want longer ones. Something that doesn't end at 20 pages. I feel like I have an idea for a story too. Hooray!
This is useless.
A WOLF IN SHEEP'S CLOTHING. That is me to a T.
I had some strange dreams the other night, and since I wake up numerous times during the night, I happen to remember a lot of them.
The one I most vividly remember:
Me and a few of my co-workers planned on going to Europe this summer (I've been really antsy about going to europe and i plan on going this summer no matter what). But anyways, so that's the plan and me and a few of my co-workers decide to go, but none of us have money so we take a "raft". This raft really ends up being a few pieces of wood hammered together. Somehow this makeshift raft actually makes us to a destination after about 30 days at sea. Once we get to the mainland everyone is speaking French. And since we planned on going to Europe, it would only make sense that we landed on the coast of France, but some how we realized that we weren't in France. I don't know how we realized that instead of travelling across the Atlantic Ocean, we had only travelled northbound, and we landed in Montreal, which, obviously, there's a French speaking majority. Basically my dream is unfulfilled and I'm miserable in the end because we only moved a few hundred miles northbound, when the whole plan was to make it to Europe.
I know that this dream has something to deal with the fact that
I NEED TO GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE FOREVER.
OR AT LEAST
IF NOT FOREVER
JUST FOR A LITTLE WHILE
CAUSE I CAN'T FUCKING TAKE
SPENDING EVERY DAY IN THE SAME PLACE
FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.
With that said, if I can't find anyone to go to Barcelona with me this summer, I plan on staying at my family's house in Scotland for a few weeks cause I'M GOING CRAZY.
That's all I have to say.
Good night.
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